11. Finding Empowerment with Purpose, Weight Loss & Nature

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EPISODE 11: Felicia Turcotte

Well, Felicia, thank you so much for being here. What was that path that led you to where you are today?

I was born and raised in Utah. At the time parks didn't really have a hospital. So I was born in Provo, and then lived in Sandy for a few years before that, but then pretty much lived in Park City my entire life. And my dad one day when I was like two or three, you know, comes into the garage. And I actually remember this. He was like skiing or snowboarding. And I was like snowboarding, you know, I want to be rebellious and stuff. And that's how I started and my dad never snowboarded. So he just kind of plopped me on one. And I kind of had to figure it out from there. And he did the best he could to teach me. So that's like, kind of like how it started. Yeah.

Yeah. And, and then over the years, I, I loved it. And it was something that I just I did all the time with my dad. And even though I had no idea what I was doing, eventually got to the point where, you know, I wanted to join a snowboard team. And I joined the parkcity snowboard team, I think at like, 13 or 12. I can't really remember the exact age. And that's when I had my first competition was 14. And then Ever since then, I was in love. And I'm like, this is the path I want to take. I want to go. Wow, so that's amazing. At 14. Yeah, I feel like that's really young. will probably not if you're getting into a sport and competing. But yeah, it feels young to me, like competing and being so young and like really driven and just decided like, this is my path. Yeah. So cool. And so now, you are 25. Correct. And you're still competing. And tell us a little bit about team Utah. And then you also mentioned you were Canadian athlete as well. Yeah. Maybe just intro that program for us? Sure. Yeah. So I was on the parkcity snowboard team for a few years and then the team had a falling out and change a direction. So I decided I didn't really have a team to go to I decided to go to Team Utah and I knew the coaches there and I decided to join the board across you know, chapter which is the head coaches lane Clegg. And he's amazing. He's been my coach for like, feels like a decade, like for so long. And they really, he really like brought me up on this path of getting into racing and higher level of competition and really like it really my I feel like my board across career started with lane at teen Utah. And they're an amazing organization. They have several chapters, they have a chapter at Park City, a chapter at Snowbird chapter at Brighton and, I mean, they are great with what they do. And they really help like the progressive steps of reaching that higher level of competition. So they changed my life. I mean, I've met the greatest souls and the best connections I've ever met on Team Utah, and I hang out with my teammates all the time. And yeah, some of my best friends have come from my from my team. That's awesome. Yeah, I love that. And so snowboarder cross. Can you give us a little like, for those of us that are not familiar with that sport? Yes. A little brief overview of what that looks like. Yeah, it's, it's pretty much like imagine like roller derby on snow with jumps in turn. So you have about four, four racers and a gate and the gate drops and whoever gets down to the bottom fastest wins. And there's jumps and turns and it's all about speed. It's all about aggression. And then picking lines and all of that. And it's it's strategic. It's taking leaps of faith. It's, you know, it's survival and competing at the same time. Yeah. Oh my gosh, so racing and obstacles and yeah, yeah, pretty intense. So what really drives your motivation to keep going with this sport? Um, well, actually, I saw a few years back around five I think four or five years ago, I actually almost quit because it was shortly after I won nationals. I got like double knee surgery. And both my knees were just fried. And I was like, Oh my gosh, this is like I'm such, I'm so young. And I'm dealing with like, you know, two knee surgeries. And they were done at the same time. So I couldn't like walk or like, do anything for eight weeks, and I put on a lot of weight, like I put on around like 55 pounds and like a span of a year. And I couldn't do any physical therapy, or I did physical therapy, but I couldn't do, I couldn't be in like an athlete anymore. I couldn't be in that position yet. And so I almost quit, I was just like, I can't, this is too much, this is too hard to come back from, you know, on, like, I spoke with my coach about it. And he you know, especially with the weight gain, that was surprising. For me, you know, he was like, well, he's like, if you really want this, and if you really want to do this, he's like, of course, I'm going to support you and be behind you. And my dad was the same way. But they were like, you got to get realistic. If you want it that bad, you know, you have to lean up, and you're going to have to lose the weight and start over again, from scratch. And that's exactly what I did. And it took a really long time, it took like two years for me to recover from that. And, you know, I felt like as big as a house and I was like showing up at competitions, obviously overweight and like losing every single one over and over and over again. And it was like that for two years. And then then I started to break free once I started getting, you know, more fit and more confident and more in tune with my, my sport. And then I was able to be like, Okay, I see the path, I can see it being realistic. And then you know, just keep finding ways to continue to inspire yourself, you know? And like, yes, you can you can do it. You can push past, you know, what you think you can't. And I feel like you know, we're really hard on our bodies. And I was definitely my biggest bully. I was in my own way. And it was all me 100% all me, I'm absolutely capable of doing it. But then I kept telling myself I wasn't, and that was my problem. And so yeah, after the years after, like, you know, getting in the top 10. And then on top or podium being and then doing getting thirds and seconds. And like being the top five of of my area and the norm tour. I felt like this is realistic, I can push, I got this and I want to be an Olympian and I will be an Olympian. And so that's how I just keep going with that. I love how you said break free, because that's what this podcast is. And it's really incredible to hear, like, kind of this like dark night of the soul experience. Like I can imagine how hard that would be and like gaining weight, and your sense of self might have felt depleted, because you're not doing something that you really love. Like I can imagine that must have been a really, really hard time. Yeah, it was definitely really hard. I was very depressed. And you know, it's like, I felt like I had to give up this part of me. That is the only thing that gives me life pretty much like snowboarding is my everything. It's my, it's my lungs. It's my heart. It's like, I live for that. And yeah, even the idea of having that be away from me or gone or because of injury because of myself. I was like, I'm not going to be able to live with myself. I'm just gonna have to go for it. And I will die try. No, because that was my part. That is my purpose. It's my purpose to race and to snowboard for as long as I possibly can, you know? Yeah. And that's amazing that you showed so much grit and coming back. And like you said every day showing up like pound by pound race by race. Yeah. And that's the part that I find really inspiring, not the part where you're out of it, and you're on the podiums, and you're winning. It's the part where you're showing up, and you don't feel good. You're having a really hard time and you're struggling. You're not even sure if this is gonna work out. Yeah. That's really, really amazing to me, having that grit and showing yourself such love and pushing forward. Because it's your passion. It's what you want to do. It's what you love. Yeah, that's like true.

Katie: That's a amazing personality trait as well. And it sounds like you and your family to you. We were talking before the podcast and your dad was also an athlete. So maybe it like runs in the family just like having that stamina?

Oh, yeah, he was my biggest mentor, like through my lowest lows, like during the time, but when I did gain the way and I remember, you know, he would always ask about the snowboarding is like so do you want to get back into it? Like, you know, like, he obviously really wanted me to get back into it. And he was so inspiring. You know, he was always he always raised. To end told me that I could choose my own life, I chose my destiny and that I just needed to get out of my way, you know, and so during that time, when I was thinking about quitting, and the whole two year span of losing over and over again, you know, he, he was there for me every step of the way. He told me, it's gonna, you know, he was so realistic with music, it is going to suck right now, and you are going to fail and fail and failure is like, but the difference, you know, is that you're gonna keep going until you succeed. You can't have success without failure. And he was like, as long as you know, you keep on and you keep on the track, it will, you will break through it will happen for you. And, yeah, he just he really inspired me. You know, he, he, he told me about his other experiences through his own career and like things that he had to break through and all of that, and he really was my biggest mentor. And he, he's the one that supported me and funded me and believed in me, the most, you know, and yeah, I remember I remember, after I was like, healing from my knee surgery and stuff, and I was able to walk around still really, like 212 pounds, pretty big. And I remember sitting down at the table with my family, my dad, my little sisters were there. And my stepmom was there, she was amazing. And my fiance, Ben was there and I like sat everybody down. And I was like, This is what I want. I want, I will be an Olympian, like, I want to compete in boardercross. And I'm going to do it for as long as I can. And I'm going to keep going until my body physically can't. And I was like, but I also need your support I need, you know, I need funding, and I need a chance to try and I'm obviously really rusty, and I've been failing over and over again. But I need my family to, to support me. And they all were like hands down, like no questions asked. It wasn't even like, they were like, yeah, da, you know, of course, and stuff. And I got really realistic, I quit my job, I was working full time, you know, to kind of keep my mind out of the gutter. And, you know, my dad's like, well, if you're going to be a professional athlete, and if you're going to be an Olympian, and it's your full time job, he's like, so you need to quit. And then my fiance kind of picked up that slack. And everyone picked up their own pieces for me, to support me. And that's when things really started to change. And having the courage to stand up for yourself. I feel like a lot of us were afraid to even ask for something, we're afraid to ask other people for help, let alone You know, like, this is what I want to do. Like, this is my life, and I need your support, and I need your help. And that's inspiring for me, and I'm sure the audience to hear because we really can get in our own way. Yeah, and a lot of the time, all we need to do is ask for help, like, ask for that support and have the confidence that, like, I am standing up for myself here like this is my life. Yeah. And I don't think I started really showing up for myself. And that way until, like, late 20s. You know, like right now, like going through that with building the podcast. And yeah. And it's true, like people really do want to help like people that love you want to support you and be there for you. And like you kept saying, like we get in our own way, a lot of the time. Like, it's the mindset, it's these limiting beliefs that we have that maybe like we're not worthy of that support, or maybe like we don't have the confidence to like ask for help. And then you know, what if we fall flat on our face? What if we fail, then what and it's like all of these like, what have you know, what if shoulds and needs to that just like get in our way from extending our lives in this like most amazing way. So yeah, really incredible to hear that you really put yourself out there and showed up for yourself in that way. Yeah, really amazing. Yeah. And I don't think I could have done it without my dad, you know, like, definitely just inspiring me, motivating me mentoring me all of that. And yeah, he was a really big piece of that puzzle. And on top of it, you know, my coach lane, also being like, let's do this, you know? Yeah. Can we dive a little bit deeper into that time where it's just really hard for you like, yeah, we're feeling overweight? And like, How did it feel? They're just like, wake up every day because you said that you were having feelings of depression and but you were still moving forward? Yeah. Because I think a lot of us struggle to some degree with that just like getting out of bed, especially if we don't feel good in our body. So maybe just like explain how that really fell and how you kind of work through that point. Yeah, I mean, before I decided that I was going to, you know, do it anyway. Whether if I was you know, heavy or not, when I was still in that kind of like in between. Where I wasn't sure if I was going to continue snowboarding and all of that.

It was, it was really hard. Like, like the, from my surgeries, I couldn't, I couldn't be active for the first eight weeks, I couldn't even, you know, really walk or it was just really like I was in a lot of agony.

So getting through that, and like getting up to go physical therapy and not even be able to walk. I mean, at that point, you're thinking, like, there's no hope. You know, you're just like, it's done, it's over with, I'm done. I'm done. As a professional athlete, it's not realistic.

So that was really hard. That was really dark place for me, even just the idea that that purpose of mine was going to be gone. And like, what am I going to do now, you know, and that's like, my whole life flashed before my eyes, and I was like, I'm going to be one of those basic chicks, that's just going to, you know, I don't know, working nine to five and not, you know, succumb to anything or, or inspire others, or leave a legacy or even my own legacy or live for myself, like, and that really scared me, like, even just the idea of, of just not having a footprint, and not even like living to my fullest self was actually like the really, really scary thing.

So waking up every day was a challenge. Because it's like, why, why even at that point, you know, I'm like, there's no hope. So I'm thinking like, why even get up and go to physical therapy, why even why even eat healthy right now I can't move, I can't move from my couch, I got this TV here. You know, like, there's, you know, it's gonna be years of therapy and weight loss for me to even get there just seemed like a chat, something. So out of reach. And getting up every day was hard. And I didn't try every day, every day wasn't like a success or anything like that, like waking up every day was kind of help.

but I had a, I had a beautiful dog at the time, and she passed away. But she really helped me because she laid with me every day. And she gave me that look. And every morning, I want to go for my walk, you know, I want to go for my hike and stuff. And even though I didn't want to do it for myself, I did it for her. And I started getting out more and hiking more and backpacking more and getting out into nature really kind of separated what I thought was going on in my tiny little apartment, which was my tiny little head. And it took me out of that. And she got me out of that. And I was able to kind of see things like a more big picture, like, what am I doing with, you know, I would sit there at the top of this peak, and I'm heavy, and it took me hours to get there. But I was sitting there with her. And I'm just like looking at these beautiful mountains that we have in Park City. And I'm just like, I am so much more than what I'm treating myself. I am so much more, you know. And that's how I felt outside and hiking and backpacking, you know, and so the more I started to feel sad and upset about myself and worthless, I would just crop the dog leash, and I would go take her out. And then it helped me helped me, you know, believe that I was more

KatieKay: I remember when I was really depressed, and I was going to therapy and my therapist would call me and she'd be like, Katie just go step outside. There's something more expansive and beautiful that it feels so supportive. When you go out into nature, it's like that feeling I could resonate with what you were saying it's like something bigger than just myself. I love how you brought up the like tiny, like the tiny thoughts like I'm in my tiny space, you know, in my head and like we do really get we can really get trapped in that space of mindset and those thoughts and I think that's a big thing when it comes to wellness in general is having the ability to have different perspective because I don't know if you can relate to this but like when I get trapped in my head it's like it's just I get so wrapped up in the drama and like the negativity and it just kind of spirals down downward and I don't even feel like I can be well yeah, you know, like be well with like eating right and being active and so I love how you brought up that mindset point.

Yeah, and I mean I would absolutely recommend you know if anyone is feeling like that like it taking a step into nature and walking with nature for me was probably the most healing part of my journey during that time because I wasn't going to push myself into the gym. I was in such a you know, low place of my life that the only thing that brought me out of it was my dog and the trail. And there really is something to like, once you step, that first step on that trail, and you're smelling that dirt, and you're hearing like the wind and the trees and all of that. I mean, it really is something that I thought I was connected to nature before. But even like, after, like, after my injuries and going on to that whole process, I feel way more connected, and just won when I'm out there more than I have before. And so do you feel like you have a new perspective now, like now that you're like, out of that place, and you're competing, and they're performing at a great level? That has that experience giving you new perspective? And like how you're performing now? Yeah, I mean, so for example, like, if I'm at a if I'm at a race and I'm struggling with like, pressure, like I didn't do well, in my practice, you know, you only get like one day of practice, usually alter all tend to go find like, I'll look up like a local trail or like a local, you know, little snowshoe hike. And I'll try and escape and just breathe for a second and just be present into where I'm at where I'm out in the world and what I can do. And yeah, and that's definitely helped me a lot. Yeah, it's helped me a lot, just kind of recenter get back to my strategy and stop letting my emotions going, like, whoo, fireworks everywhere. Like, I can't do it. Yes, I can, oh, my God, it's like, it's like crazy, you know, in my brain sometimes. And just taking that step again, onto the dirt or onto the snow and walking away, separates those emotions, I'm able to come back to my strategy and be like, Okay, this is the game plan. And this is what I'm going to do, and I'm going to act on it. And I tent and that helps me perform.

KatieKay: Yeah, being an athlete can imagine just a ton of pressure. And you have to perform at a certain level. And I struggle with perfectionism, or, well, I used to more, but I found that as a detriment to like, sinking down into depression more if I'm not performing at my highest point, when I struggled with just like, you know, not feeling good in my body every day in that depression and the smallest steps, like if you can just take one small step in the right direction, like you said, like, go outside, like, go on a walk. Like that was a huge win for me that day. Yeah. But being an athlete has just like, you know, go on a walk. So how do you deal like, Are you ever afraid of going back into that depression?

I don't think I mean, that depression was such, if it was maybe two years, like where I was depressed, right. And I've I'm not, so I'm not ever afraid of being depressed again, because I have all these amazing tools and resources now that I've created to know that like, it's always gonna be there. And I'm, as long as I'm like, in the mountains, I'm going to be okay, you know. But talking about fear, though fears, like a totally next level for me, because that is something I'm working on on a daily basis, like with my sport, especially, and being depressed, you know, in a sense, during that time, I was letting the fear of failing and the fear of not being able to recover from my knee surgeries run my life, I was totally letting fear just take the reins of my you know, existence and taking me for a ride. And that is something I I do struggle with at competitions at races to this day. And it comes with the pressure comes with being able to perform, but also there are some really scary features that I'm working on the course like, you know, jumps that are massive that I have to fly off of, like 50 miles an hour, you know, there are definitely some things that are scary. Like, in during, during the year of COVID, for example, I went to Austria, and there was an amazing like course to be at, but it was a World Cup level course. And I've never been on the World Cup level course. And this is this was like during COVID so I haven't been on snow literally, like when I got on that snow. It's been a whole year since I've been on my snowboard. And I'm just like showing up to this like huge course right? And instantly I'm like, been out of the game for the year so I'm just like, oh my god, like all those thoughts and emotions are running through my head. I'm like, What if I don't perform like and I was like, This was my first trip with Team Canada. And I'm just like, I'm supposed to be like good you know, I'm supposed to be like what's up? I show up here and I'm gonna like yeah, you know do really well and you know I show up and I'm like, I cried and like had a moment of just like I can't do this this if this is what World Cup looks like I'm not even capable of going to that next level like all of those negative the self doubt all of that agony from like previous races, just sort of coming up again. It was so overwhelming. And I like totally went and cried. You know? And then I came back and I was like Kay Well, it's it's it was a camp. So I took advantage of the step by step basis. And I did, I broke the course down step by step, and was able to complete the course by the end of the camp. And there was a very huge feature that was, in a sense running my entire trip in Europe. And it was that one jump that affected my entire week there at that camp. And I'm proud of myself that I did hit it eventually, but I can't, like, I was too slow. And that's like, because I was scared. And fear tends to run my competitions like that, and I'm still working on is trying to adapt to things faster, recognizing that the fear is there and setting it aside for later and doing what my body does best. And trusting what I do, trusting my skill, not caring if if you know, I'm supposed to perform here or be judged by teams or officials or coaches. It's my journey, my race, and I'm going to run it the way I need to. And yeah, so that was just an example of like, how fear was really, like, intense for me at some point, things I could work on, but then also a lesson for later competitions.

Yeah, like breaking it up into smaller pieces. And I don't have the luxury to do that every time though, you know, so at that camp, I was really overwhelmed. Like, I haven't been on snow in a year COVID affected everything. And so I just took advantage of that, you know, it's like, I don't want to show up on the first day and be like, yeah, send it off something get injured, and then I'm out, right. But like, as far as like, as other competitions, you have one training day, which means you know, you have about three or four runs to memorize the whole course and the next day you're racing. And so Austria really was a lesson for me is that when that fear comes up to I kind of keep my keep my emotions to myself, because when I express it out loud, and when I'm crying and like obviously a little hysterical, it kind of makes it bigger than it really is. It makes it more real. And like in my face. And whereas if I just like, okay, that feature scares me. And I'm going to set aside that fear. And I'm going to do it anyway. Because I don't have time, I don't have the time or luxury to let this thing run my life, my competition and how I perform today. So yeah, and that's, and I'm not successful every time, like I really am not, it is totally something I'm working on on a daily basis. And every race, it comes up again and again and again. And it's a constant battle. You know? Yeah, I can't even imagine the mindset that you really have to focus on. And that's probably like, just as important as staying physically active as well as like, yeah, dealing with the mindset stuff. And yeah, it sounded like when you're talking, like having that perspective, look like if I break down, and this is like, the overwhelm takes me over that is not going to be productive like that. It's just going to be drama doesn't help me makes things worse, you know, and I'm like, in the moment, I'm like, this empowers me to share my emotions and feelings. But really, it didn't empower me and made me feel worse made me feel small. You know, I like that perspective, because I'm always kind of like, let your emotions go. And you know, if you need to cry, like cry if it serves you, right, in a positive way. Yeah. And I love that perspective. Because like, that's the truth, right? Like, if it serves you in that moment, like, nobody's going to tell you like, what's the right and wrong way to approach this? Yeah. So that's like, I mean, that's got to be the toughest part about an athlete I can imagine is like, you just have to figure it out for like, what works for you and how you can perform? Yeah. Oh, my gosh, well, I know, he talked a lot about the pressure and like the depression and like, all of kind of, I would I don't want to say negative stuff, because that's all valuable information and learning experience, but maybe going into like, what do you really enjoy about being an athlete? Like, what is your fate? Like, is it the workouts? Is it the, like, you know, the performance like really like high competition or what do you what does it spark inside you that you love? Oh, my gosh, I love what I do. I love their sport I am in even though it comes with its lows, but even breaking through, it feels like you're superhuman, like a superpower. Like when you cross that finish line and you're on the podium or when you were struggling with something in the course and you broke through and now you're like just attacking it like a boss. There is something there that it's like a high I mean, it's like I got this like I struggle with that. And now look at that, like I just destroyed this. There is so it feels like you're super human, you know, or like when you hit a huge jump going really fast that you were really scared of and you broke through and you landed it and you're like still going through the course. I mean that is like a highlight of of the reason why

Do it because the rush you're getting and how intense it is, and how like you are capable and absolutely empowered and powerful and strong and all that training, everything that you did all of that the the dark moments and the light moments, all of it had to come together for you to be able to hit something like that at speed and handle a course or handle a crash. And it's just like, it's amazing, because then you cross that finish line and you look back and you're like, all of those moments and training was absolutely worth it and necessary for me to reach this high point now in my career. And that's like what inspires me and keeps me going because it's just amazing. It is a rush. It's it's really fun, and scary, but also like adrenaline high. And that's been that's, that's, that's like inaction. What I love most about my sport, but then there's also the other positives, I get to travel the world, you know, with my teammates, and I've seen Switzerland, I've seen Austria, I've seen GLA, and I mean just beautiful all over Canada, all over us. And that's something that it's Yeah, it's just amazing that I even get to experience that. And then I'm so privileged to even have access to that.

Katie Kay: So do you feel that empowerment in your body?

Oh my gosh, like even just talking about it, like expressing to you, you know, like moments in a course where I've felt like I tackled something, I was scared of it. But I did push through and I did it. That empowerment is like your fingers are tingling. It's like you're it's like you're twitterpated at the same time. But you're also like really aggro like, you know, like, you can feel it in your body, you can feel it in your stomach. And it's just like, it's an amazing feeling. And I even feel it expressing just the memory of what it was like. And it's it's kind of hard for me to tap into that on an on a daily basis, you know, because, you know, training, sometimes it's hard, and you don't want to go to training every day. But when you just, I don't I don't know, you just got to find that daily source of empowerment, look back into your past and be like, what was a moment where I was empowered? And how can I feel that right now? Yeah, that was one of my best moments. Yeah, reflecting on like, when did I feel really good in my body and lean on to that feeling? And how can you apply it to something now, you know, like, how can I apply that now? How, where's my empowered self? And how can I use it right now, you know, and it's just finding those little pieces and bringing it back together. So you can be that self again, and everyone has everyone has that that person or that side, that energy inside of them, you know, just about finding it. That's what I want people to feel. And I know that we can all get there, like you said, like you can find that empowerment in your body. I mean, it might take time, like it takes hard work. It takes hard work, like you are a symbol of that, like getting to the place you are now it's not easy, right? You have to work at it every day. Just us like non athlete, people, just normal people. Like, I feel like that's what people want. They want to feel that empowerment in their body, like that confidence at whatever weight you are like, obviously, we all have our own weight goals. We all like have certain health, we want to accomplish certain health goals, but like having that feeling of confidence and like that energy radiating out from you. Like that's the best feeling. And I feel like sometimes it's just kind of like, up and down. It comes and goes. But what you were talking about with like holding on to that feeling and be able to reflect back to it. That's almost a tool like a wellness tool, you know, in itself, because, like, what a great motivator, right? Because like a lot of us struggle with motivation and having a time where you can reflect back and be like, oh, like I felt so good on that morning walk I took like last week and like I really felt good in my body and like letting that guide you like whatever it looks like, right? Totally. And it's not even, like, even more, we all feel bad about ourselves, you know, way more often than we should but we're all human. And like, I just think one thing to think about is like wait shouldn't really have to matter. I mean, like you could, you know, be any way that you want but you should still be able to find that empowerment tool. You know and it's like and if you do if you have those like goals and those those those goals of either losing weight or being stronger like using more words of being strong and being able to push my body to the limits that I want, then I feel like then then it becomes more fun, you know, and less like, negative of like, I'm fat, I'm overweight, and I need to fix this, you know, it should be like more empowering, like, my body isn't where it where I would like it to be, and I want to be healthier and stronger, and I want to perform better, because at the end of the day, our bodies are these vessels. Yeah, and we're way, way too often hurting our vessels, you know, and it's just like, there are these vessels that allow us to breathe, and walk and feel and like that keep our brain in there. And it's just like, the fact that we on a daily basis ruin that, you know, it's, it's sad. And, but we can totally come out of that, we can come out of that shell that we keep ourselves in, and it's our soul. And, you know, it's, there is empowerment, and all of us, no matter what size we are, then we can absolutely access that and absolutely be able to push our bodies to the limits that we can't even think of. Oh, I love that such an inspiration.

KatieKay: Can you talk about your journey with weight loss? Because I would love to hear, and I'm sure our audience would love to hear like, what did that look like? Because you said you were like 5055 pounds over what you wanted to be at? Yeah. And so what was the like training kind of from the beginning? And then yeah, like, how did that whole journey happen? Because I know you said like, you decided that you wanted to be the athlete. So you wanted to lose the weight? Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Unknown Speaker

I wish I was nicer to myself. Still back then. But yeah, before I had my knee surgeries, I was like, you know, still really young. So I weighed like, I don't know, maybe like 141 45. And then, yeah, I, at the end of my healing process, and all of that, and I really put on the weight, I was, like, 212 pounds was like my heaviest weight. And that was like, not healthy for me. I, for me, like,

Unknown Speaker

I was really hard on myself. I had, I have stretch marks and still the scars to prove that it's a huge expansion. But I pretty much So after I decided I wanted to compete again, professionally and go to the Olympics, I was like, Okay, I need to like change my lifestyle, because obviously, my lifestyle right now is not where I need to be, like, I can't perform carrying all this extra weight, it's hard on my joints, it's hard on my body, I can't move and my sport requires, you know, for me to move. But also I was really sad. And I wanted to I wanted to empower myself and be you know, be strong. I wanted to feel strong, and feel fit. And I wasn't feeling like that at the time. So I decided to just change my, my whole life. I was like, okay, obviously, what I'm eating is not working. So I'm going to be vegan, you know, I was like, I I'm a huge animal lover, like big I, I would just, I would save all the dogs in the world, like I really would huge animal lover. And I was like, you know, I'm a huge animal lover. And this works any, any way I have to eat more plants anyway, I have to eat less. So I'm going to be vegan, and see how that goes. I'm just going to see how it goes. And for and then I worked out five days a week. And it wasn't intense training, because I wasn't capable of doing intense training I just needed the first step was, you know, lose the excess, change the lifestyle, you know, get the depression out and be more active. And if this is my full time job, and my full time job is dedicated to my mind, my body and my health. So yeah, five days a week, every day hikes every day with my dog, which was also working out for my depression and like everything that was, you know, going on there. And like six months, like nothing happened.

Unknown Speaker

I remember, a coach was like, yeah, are you working out? Is there you know, like, how's this journey going on for you as I'm still like, huge, you know, I was like, it's fine. You know, I'm working on it, it's gonna work. And then after the six months, though, like I literally dropped like half of it right away. So like six months, it took my whole body to trance to get used to the new way of diet, new way of living, new way of accessing that form of me or that old self of mine that I lost, you know, during my surgery, and I was able to lose half of it. And then over the years able to stagger around like 10 pounds a year, or something like that. And then now I'm 170 and I've been 170 for a year and I think my body's just decided that that's the way I'm going to be, you know, so it was really hard but also super empowering, like to be able to do that. And I did it and I didn't think there were so many moments where I was like, I guess this is my life. I'm just gonna

Unknown Speaker

To be a bigger girl and hate myself and No, it didn't turn out to be like that at all, it was the most empowering thing ever, like losing that and being feeling strong, feeling better about myself looking at myself in the mirror, like you were so capable. You were so strong, like, Yeah, I was told, I totally inspired myself, you know. And like, it was, it really was an awesome journey to go through that. And I taught me so much about myself and like, even just now in daily life, like having that experience of being someone that you don't want to be, and then changing that, and working at it every day. And now it's like, I don't know who I would be without having that experience. Yeah, yeah. So

Katie Kay: Losing Weight = Do you feel like it was just like, was that negative for you? Or was it empowering? Or was it a combo?

I totally think combo. And I think in every person's journey of empowering themselves in their body, there's gonna, you're gonna have to deal with the dark and the light, you know. And, yeah, there was definitely moments where, you know, I would cry about how much I hated myself, you know, and then there were moments where I was like, Oh, my God, my body, my vessel, just took me up to the top of the peak, my legs are strong. I am here, I made it, you know, like I there, I mean, and then you're at the top of me, like, I can do this, I got this, right, my tool for me to feel and continue to wake up every day and go to the gym and eat right that my tool was, you know, if I started to feel down, I hated myself, when I was crying, like many moments I've had, I would step out onto the trail again, and that first step, it was gone, it left me, you know, and my focus was to get to the top of the peak, hang out with my dog and smell the trees and smell the flowers. And it got me out of my headspace that my life isn't about losing weight, or being what society tells me to be. And this is just talking as a person, this isn't talking about being an athlete, or anything like that, just being like a woman in our society today.

It just like none of that matter. Like when I was on the trail, when I was outside, reconnecting, my vessel was pushing me to this amazing, you know, top and peak. And that's what mattered at the time. So whenever I was stuck in my head, or stuck in my apartment, you know, and I was in that darkness, I just would grab my leash. And I would go, and it helped me look from an outer perspective, in a sense, like, look at myself, you know, and be like, I was so hard on myself. And this is a journey I decided I was going to take, and nothing's going to change if I you know, sit in that and do nothing. Because, like greatness does not come from comfort zones at all. Right? So like the moment you're starting to get complacent, complacent. That's like a signal where it's like, I don't want to live a life like that. White right when you start becoming content. I don't want to live a life like that. Something's got to change.

Katie Kay: Epic. So I heard three awesome things out of that, that I want to mention. So first thing, acceptance. Yeah, gratitude. So like bringing in those positive thoughts. Like, I just climbed to the top of this mountain. Because you can so easily be like, okay, I just climbed to the top of this mountain, like, what do I need to do next? Yeah, like, how do I need to improve more? Or am I doing enough like, instead of like having all of those shoulds and expectations and pressure on yourself, instead, you're getting to the top of the mountain and being like, I'm a badass chick. I am this. And this was a huge win for me today. And I am so grateful for my legs, like these strong legs that just carried me up the mountain. Yeah, that's awesome. And we all have the ability to choose our own thoughts. And that's a really powerful statement to know that you can choose right you can choose to look at it. As like I didn't do enough today, you can choose to look at it as like, these legs of mine are amazing. And I just did this huge thing today. So like, pat myself on the back, and let's like go tomorrow. Yeah. Number two, finding something that's really enjoyable went for your movement routine, because you kept talking about like stepping on that trail and like, all of that bullshit was gone. And this is super enjoyable. And we can all find that way of movement that's really profound for us, and like focusing on the enjoyment. And so like, for me, like sunrise, gentle, like the most gentle yoga like the yoga you can go to and decide to just lay there the whole time. Oh, yeah. That is my like, enjoyment. Like, I love that class. And, ya know, I'm not counting like, how many calories I burned. Like during that class, like I'm laying there. And I'm not focused on like, how much it like how much weight loss I'm getting out of it. But I'm focusing on the enjoyment and like that truly can make such a big difference. Yeah, so I love like, I loved how you focused on hiking and being out in nature. And yeah, we all just, like need to kind of be curious and open to like, Well, what do I like? What does that look like for me and like asking, like ourselves, like, what is unique to myself, I can find enjoyment and then include this in my week, a few times, or every day or whatever, yeah, works for you. And then the third thing I keep hearing is the purpose. So like, you had a really, really strong purpose of being an athlete, and that was really driving you and being like, this is who I am, like, this is my passion. This is my sense of self. Yeah, that really, like driving you to continue to stay healthy and improve. Yeah. But like, for all of us, like, we can all hold that purpose and a space in our life, just like the purpose of, I want to feel good in my body, so that I can do that activities with my loved ones, like I go, like mountain biking with my dad, or, you know, I can do like, I can swim or whatever, whatever it is, like it could, it could be like, I want to just be healthy, so I can show up and I can, like radiate a better energy. Like, when I go to work, or, you know, like, there's so many different examples, but, like, having that purpose is like, really amazing. And it's really amazing that yours was so strong, and we can see it so vividly. Totally, and I think I feel like, you know, the purpose of, of our crazy journey on this planet, you know, is, is to find that purpose to find that fire inside of you, you know, on whatever version you want to be, you know, like, be the best of it and perfecting your craft and all of that, you know, to someone breaking free of their, you know, body images and stuff like what do you love to do? How are you going to perfect your craft? And is this something that lights of fire inside? Because I mean, there's like no point doing anything if it's gonna be like a wet, you know, damp towel. Like, you know, that's not exciting. That's not new. That's not, you know, empowering. So, yeah, just finding that. And yeah, I again, like I like, I'm totally yoga and hiking. And being on nature has been like the best thing for me and trying to access that and it's like, helped elevate my craft. Yeah, you know, I love it. And I just wanted to bring this up, I had Emily pods right on the podcast, and she was a beach volleyball athlete, and then she had an injury. And she completely couldn't do her sport anymore. So her purpose changed, right. She was like first, like being an athlete. Like that was her purpose. And then like after that she needed to completely change directions and have a new purpose. So like, life is always changing, right? Like, in unexpected ways. And like we can always change like what we're doing, we can even change our sense of self and our purpose, like the biggest thing we think, ever. But like I just bring that up because, like it's ever evolving to totally agree. And I think our destiny is ever evolving and who we're supposed to be is ever evolving. Absolutely. I think we adapt and change to things that we don't even think about on a daily basis. You know, our mindset changes the way we view the world changes, you know, every year that goes by, just by like experience and what you're going through as a human being. I mean, that's part of the journey. Yeah, part of the journey of existing is changing and evolving and adapting. Right. It's amazing.

Katie Kay: Can you tell us about your training protocol? a little bit because like not to say like, Oh, we need to follow like, what Felicia is doing or just like, I love to get an idea of like, what your weight training schedule is, like, like, what is like the kind of foods that you eat? Is it like really strict? Or is it a little bit more flexible? Like, how does all of that look like?

Um, yeah, so my, okay, so my average training week, there's going to be two heavy lifting days, I think I don't have it like totally memorized, because I've everything like kind of written down. And I try not to like, over memorize it, because I don't want it to like run my whole life, you know, like, but from what I remember, I have two really heavy lifting days where like you're trying to make those gains, you know, you're trying to keep what you have, but also on top of the add a little bit, and keep adding and adding and adding and, and tearing and repairing, right? So there's that. And then yesterday, there's going to be that once a week where you're pushing your heart, you're, you know, oh my gosh, you're pushing your heart to its max like running hills and running stairs and pushing through that and box jumps and those those high demand like

types of workouts I do once a week. And I think we only do it once a week because it is so intense. And it is kind of painful. And it sucks. It is like I do not look forward to that. But it is absolutely necessary for me to do and for me to perform with what I do.

And then after that there's a mountain bike twice a week with my team team Utah. And it's been that has also been a really empowering and amazing thing for something I'm dealing with like physically but also for the fear aspect that I'm working on on daily basis helps me push through that helps me keep my body in line, my legs, you know, are nice and recovered, gaining all of that strength and everything that's necessary to be strong. So I mountain bike twice a week.

And then, yeah, yeah, so strength, power stability.

Lots of yoga, lots of amazing recovery. On top of the mountain biking, making it fun. Yeah, you know, yeah, making it really fun. And then with your nutrition, do you have a nutritionist or no, just like, I don't have a nutritionist. I just I'm I love being vegan. And I'm still figuring that out. And that's also something I'm still doing on a daily basis is trying to tap into that.

That last little bit that I feel like I'm missing, you know, to, to perfect or not perfect. I guess what I meant is to be my strongest self. And I feel like you know, some days I'm like, on point I'm like, Yeah, like, all of my food was so lean and mean, you know, like, yeah, and then some days, I'm like, Oh my god, fuck it, like, I'm gonna eat chips. And like, you know, it's just part of being human. But I wish I was cleaner and better about that. But compared to like what I was before, I am so much more cleaner, and I love being vegan. I absolutely love it. And it keeps me in line. It keeps me loving, like continuing to truly love animals and like our planet in a sense, but also to love myself better. You know, so what I'm putting in my body isn't, you know, being, you know, so I just want to be like plant fueled. I want to be fueled by plants. And that's what I love about like my diet. So her lifestyle, I guess. You're like a woman of purpose. I love.

I just asked about like the nutrition and the training not to say like we like we all have different ways to approach our body, but it's just like, getting that insight, like see what other people doing, especially athletes, you know, because they're like, body needs to perform at a certain level and just interesting to hear how you approach it. And it's kind of nice to hear that it's a little bit more flexible to like, Oh, yeah, like what you need and what like feels good to you and being vegan as an athlete's amazing.

Yeah, I mean, you have to fuel your body to perform. So you know, when you're training, it's like the thought on your mind is, oh, I can only 1500 calories, which is very unrealistic. If you're an athlete, you know, a day it took to keep me under that threshold to lose to lose weight right now. It's like you're totally like, Oh my god, I burned like 3000 calories today. Like I gotta eat, you know, like, you got to feel your muscles, you got to feel your body. And you know, and the number one thing that pops up in my brain after I worked out I was like, I got to get my protein in the next 30 minutes. I have to have at least 25 to 30 grams of protein after a workout, no matter what you know.

That is the first thing that pops into my head. So it's usually going to be like a protein smoothie. And then I'll have like a grain bowl or a salad with a scoop of hummus on it with my protein smoothie. So it'll be like something like that. Yeah, protein, very important. Protein is super important. So how are you feeling with your body right now? Like, how's your relationship with your body and the way that you're at right now? Are you feeling pretty good? Yeah, I feel I feel strong. I mean, there's obviously moments where I feel like the pressures of being an athlete, I should look like an athlete. And I catch myself doing that all the time. I'm like, I'm like, God, I workout so much, I should look like a freakin supermodel. You know, like, I don't look like an athlete, I'm not toned. I'm not chiseled, I'm not, you know, I'm pretty plush. And like, I catch myself doing that all the time. And then I'm like, I'm like, I need to, like, shut my mouth, like I am performing at a high level of performance. You know, and this is how my body looks. And I should appreciate that. So I'm working on that, like, on a daily basis, I do like and things that I love about my body I love like my legs, they are strong, they have taken me so far, like backpacking trips, snowboarding, like everything. So I really appreciate like, my legs, you know, and relationship with my body now is that it's just gonna be a continue work of progress. And it's like an art piece. Like it's unfinished, but it's still beautiful. And I still love it, and I can see what it can become, you know, and I can also see from that first paint stroke of what it was. So it's like, it's like that for me. I'm going to keep going, I'm going to keep working at it every day. But I'm also going to love myself in the process of it. Because like, you know, changes inevitable. And it's why what, how is that going to help me if I can't love myself while I'm in the process of changing? You know, like, that doesn't do anyone good.

You know, especially myself, like, Why Why waste my energy, being hurtful and unkind to myself? It takes like, nothing to be kind, but it takes everything to be, you know, unkind. So yeah. My body right now, I love how you say, like, you, like there's, we all have those judgments. Like we all have the thoughts like, I should look this way. And like, you look like an athlete, I'm just gonna throw that out there, like, very, very strong and beautiful. And so it just kind of makes me laugh a little bit to hear that, like, yeah, we all have that dealt, like we all have those judgments. And you are so good at making it so positive and having that mindset, and it's such a testament to how far you have come with that, like look at your journey. And like having that positive mindset. Like, it's amazing. Like, it's really amazing. And it's truly a motivating factor. I can see it through your journey as far as like where you are today. Oh, thank you. Yeah, yeah, it's been a crazy journey has been and I wanted to get even crazier. You know, I can't wait to see what's next. Yeah, that's awesome.

can you please let us know like where we can find you. And also, like any last messages that you want to tell to our audience like words of wisdom, wellness, any tools that you want to share? Right now would be perfect. Sure, you can find me on Instagram at felly shreds, 25. And that's like my, just like my personal Instagram, my snowboard career is on there as well as like, just like daily lifestyle stuff. And then I also started my cute little art business during COVID and stuff. So that's on feliz deck, art calm. And there. There's also like, kind of like an About Me page, but also the opportunity to purchase a painting of mine or print or anything like that. And all of the funds go towards funding my snowboard journey.

And then like to end, I mean, one of my favorite quotes of all time that I keep replaying in my head, and I don't know, I don't remember who, who wrote it. But it's it says, Only through the crucible adversity will one find greatness and I love that quote, and I play in my head all the time, all the time when I'm feeling down, or you know, at a competition and thinking I'm not going to make it. I play that quote in my head all the time. So I think that's something I'd want to share. I love that. Thank you so, so much for being here. I'll put all the ways that we can contact Felicia, in the show notes. And so thank you, thank you for being here. sharing your story and your words of wisdom. Yeah, of course. It's been awesome to be here. Thanks for having me.