106. Q&A with Denise Druce: Addressing Worry, Burnout, Purpose and Positivity
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Q&A with Denise Druce! We address topics of worry, burnout, purpose and positivity. This episode has so much value! Sign up for my newsletter to receive freebies: 1. rewrite your story journal prompt, emotional guidance scale, and daily affirmations (all here to help you come into alignment and up-level your vibration).
EPISODE TIMESTAMPS:
EPISODE TIMESTAMPS:
11:22 Addressing Worry
17:40 Addressing & Avoiding Burnout
29:57 Denise Druce WHY and How it Has Shifted After Cancer Diagnosis
43:20 Balancing Time Giving to Others
50:20 What Makes a Great Teacher?
50:40 Yoga Therapy
54:00 Aging Bodies
57:03 Positive Mindset + Rewriting your story + Addressing Shame
DENISE DRUCE CONTACT
Webiste: https://yogaassets.com
IG: @denisedruce
KATIE GRAHAM CONTACT
Email: hello@katiekaygraham.com
Website: https://katiekaygraham.com
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Denise Druce 0:00
You're the author, the blank page is right in front of you that pen is in your hand. It's a new day, it's a new moment. What do you want to make of this life and you're the only one that can, you're the only person that can do this. There's no one and nothing else that that can hold you back from living into your dharma, your passion.
Katie Graham 0:44
Oh, it feels so good to be back on a podcast today. And we have Denise Drew's back here to do an epic q&a. So thank you, for everybody that was watching my Instagram and posted your questions. We have them and Denise answers them today. And they're so juicy. So thank you for submitting. And since it's been a minute since I've been on the podcast, I just wanted to give you guys a little update on what's going on and the Katie Kay Graham, world and offerings, and then we'll dive into the epicness that is Denise. Okay, so there's been a lot of integration in my life with myself and my body. And it's been very expansive, and I can't wait to take all that I've learned and simplify it and make it accessible and want to share it out into my community. For sure, and I know that we don't all have all this time and energy to follow this uncovering. And hopefully I can be a little guinea pig that's a few steps ahead, that we'll be able to share this and a very practical and easy way to help you on your path to feeling that intimate alignment with your own self and we drop into the body, we move into the feelings, we move some of that stuck energy that's living in our cells and our tissues and our fascia. Because that's where our subconscious lives, that's where our trauma lives. And when we can tap into the feelings, then we can release the pattern. And those loop cycles of the thought and then the story and then the feeling and then the thought and the story and a feeling that just keep us in this rotation of stuckness. And when we're actually able to tap into the feeling and move from the feeling and moving that energy, you'll feel this you'll feel later you'll feel more in vibration with your soul's essence. And you'll feel like you're moving forward and less stuck in the same cycle. So this is like a little what is in the Katie Kay Graham world right now I'm really focusing on breathwork on somatic healing, which somatic if you've never heard that word before is just from the body Selma is body so we're working from the body and my offerings, I'm still doing one on one coaching with breath work because we're working from the body and moving some of that energy. What I've seen in my clients have has been so just transformational, just like so many shifts in such a short amount of time where you can move some of that patterning and move some of that energy and then arrive into your manifestations and how you want to move forward and January's coming up so the New Year and where do you want to go and how do you want to feel and all the yumminess I just love this time of year so hard so freakin hard. Okay, so one on ones and then I'm also doing group in person breathwork. I can also do group zoom, if either of those are calling to you and your soul and how you want to move forward this year. I am a resource and more to come. As far as the progression of the podcast I and still just integrating the best way to move forward. I don't want to again, waste your guys's time and energy. I know it takes a lot to listen to an hour and a half long podcast episodes. So yeah, I'm being really mindful and intentional with this one. So that is why there's been some sporadic episodes, but I won't leave you guys hate me. But I promise, I'm going to be here to let you know. So just say stay, the best way to do it is just stay subscribed or that follow button on the podcast and you'll get notified when there's any new episodes, so I can keep you guys in the loop. Okay. Let's dive into today's episode. So Denise addresses your guys's questions that you submitted. And I think we're all gonna gain value. So thank you for those of you that submitted and thank you, for those of you that are here listening. So today's episode, we talk about addressing worry worrying about your kids worrying about the future. Denise talks about addressing and avoiding burnout, we talked about taking a stand in your why your purpose, your calling, and what's truly important to you and your life. Denise also talks about how to choose positivity. So God she's so good at that choosing positivity over the story that has been keeping you stuck. And in that part of the conversation, Denise addresses shame, she tells this beautiful story about going to the prison and having an experience there. So you guys will hear about it. I do want to mention that from that little piece of the conversation, I was so inspired. I felt like it was so much value. I did create a little freebie on my website about rewriting the story. So it's a little journal prompt, that will help you identify something in your life, a storyline that is not serving you that it's keeping you stuck. And then a journal prompt to rewrite the story and then feel into this new energy. You'll understand it more once you hear that part of the conversation. But I will have that once you sign up for my newsletter, you will receive that as a freebie and then every one that's already a part of my newsletter, I will send it out this week so that you all can have it and gain that value in a new way. So in each of these questions, I did put the timestamps in the show notes. So you can always go back to the question. If you want to revisit or if you're running low on time, then you can just go straight to the question that you want to listen to. And the timestamp is there in the show notes. Okay, you guys. So let's dive into the amazing Denise Druce. Sit back and enjoy. Okay, Denise? Drew's uh, welcome back to body breaking free podcast. Thanks, Katie. So
Denise Druce 8:24
happy to be here. Always. Yeah. So
Katie Graham 8:27
tonight is a very special podcast episode new format. And we decided to do a q&a, which we're super excited about, because we got many cues. And we're excited to give the A's. But yeah, we we did our podcast interview episode 105. And then afterwards, we were getting some questions about the podcast. And Denise was personally getting a lot of questions. And so we just thought we would broaden the listeners to be able to really tap in and tune into some of these answers and some of these responses. So this is our intention for this episode. Yeah,
Denise Druce 9:17
we got some great queues. I'm very excited about the queues that we got. I don't know how many A's I have. I might end up with more queues than A's. Because that's kind of my lately. That's kind of been my position is ask the questions, live the questions. Don't be afraid of the questions.
Katie Graham 9:36
Yeah. Yeah. And we were talking a little bit before we hopped on here and offering more questions on to the questions that have been given to us so that we can create more space for curiosity and expansion and just like offering this more engaging format, right? Rather than thinking, here is the question and here is the right quote unquote answer. And here's the, the advice. I mean, I think we all know, Denise and how she lives her life. And I do think this is why so many of us want to ask these questions to you, Denise. And we already know that you aren't like, giving us this like golden ticket to know exactly. Okay, now I have the answer. This is how I'm gonna proceed in my life, but because we just respect you, and we know how much you soak up life and your enthusiasm and positivity that this and asking these questions are just, it's going to be life giving, it's gonna be so life giving, and we know that you're going to just look, give us more questions give us more things to ponder, so that we can integrate it into our lives.
Denise Druce 10:59
Thank you for that. I love that I love life giving, let's do that. Let's do that. Let's,
Katie Graham 11:03
let's life give a little bit and there's up as well. Okay, so we're gonna dive into a few questions that might be a little bit longer a little bit more like dive into the some of the juiciness that we received. And then we'll go into a little bit more rapid fire at the end, some other questions. So let's start with question number one from Erin. She says, You are so incredible, and you inspire me daily, how do I stop worrying about my kids, thank you for sharing your journey heart and wisdom.
Denise Druce 11:38
I, I remember when my grandmother passed, and she was the mother of my dad who was an alcoholic most of his life, remember, and he spent time in prison and all that. And we were also critical of the way that she just was so invested in him and always just wanted to help him be better. And she kept saying you will not understand this until you're a mom, you just won't understand. And so, Aaron, the answer is never. And there may very possibly only be one person on the planet that really, really does worry about us. And it's our moms, at least that's the way that it should be. So there's that there's that then I would also, you know, maybe to throw in talking out of the other side of my mouth a little bit because there's this worry about your kids, right? You hear an ambulance, you're like, oh my gosh, my son's not home, I hope that he's okay. There's that that will never go away. That's instinct. That's Mama Bear. The other side though, is I've raised three very, very independent kids. And I was an independent kid. And I decided when I was first pregnant with my first someone asked me, What's what one thing would you really like to instill in your kids? And I said, independence. So you've got to be careful what you wish for. Because when I'm worrying about them, it's because they're out in the world, living their dreams and enjoying their lives, and doing everything that I raised them to do. And so I think there's an element of, of trusting that, right? Yeah, just trusting that they are these little amazing individual human beings, and they get their journey in life. And when they go through their hard things, we have to let them go through their hard things. Yeah, just like we did. So check yourself on the worry, I guess because worry is futuristic. You know, like, anytime I say, you know, I'm worried about something. It's, it's I'm imagining some thing happening in the future that I have no idea whether it will happen or not, probably won't. But it's future thinking, and I'm creating this fantasy about all the ways things can go wrong. And then what does that cause anxiety and stress? Like right now with where I am with that this journey that I'm on? When I worry, I know, I'm ahead of myself, and there's nothing fruitful or positive that can happen in that worry. It doesn't change anything other than my momentary experience of stress and blood pressure and heart rate. So So Aaron, I would just offer maybe when you notice yourself in those cycles of worry, especially if there's not a big hard thing happening, a big reason to worry. Maybe pause for just a moment and take some deep breaths and look at the preciousness of those faces, and bring yourself back to the moment where all is well.
Katie Graham 14:48
Yeah, that's, it's this is a great question because it's a lot of it's tying in a lot of different things that we're all in that the mind and the ego are just so subjected to is this worry and the control. And and I feel, I feel Aaron's pain, because I'll get so wrapped up in that too. And I'll think I have all the control to be able to manipulate my life. And then I can't even imagine, like having that. And then also having kids and also thinking you can manipulate and control their lives as, as well
Denise Druce 15:33
and all the people and factors impacting their lives. But we're not in control of race situations. So
Katie Graham 15:40
I love that advice of pausing. What is that quote? I'm thinking of something about like, you can react if
Denise Druce 15:48
you space between action and reaction, you get to respond. Yeah. So it's usually like, I think as a parent, it's kind of constant and ongoing worry. Versus like a situation has just happened and like my worry is spiked. But I think Aaron's talking about this just constant worry, are my kids, okay? Are they going to make friends, they're going to do well in school, which is that that's the part that's not going to go away that constant. But when we notice it, yeah, just like any other worry of any other area of our life, and we noticed that we're getting ahead. It's just so helpful to come back here. Like I put my hand on my chest, and I take a deep breath, and I feel my heartbeat, and I just say the word now, like now, like, what's, what's now. And then in that moment, you are in complete control of one thing with your kids. And that one thing is, you get to love them with every fiber of your being. And that's what that's what gets us through life is when we have people in our life that truly love us unconditionally, and they see us mom's worried doesn't feel as good as mom's unconditional love and like being there with. Yeah.
Katie Graham 17:06
Yeah, yeah, that was so simple, yet so profound. And I almost want to like end it at that, because I don't want to create more worry from more conversation, more complexity, right. So yeah, hand on your heart. And
Denise Druce 17:22
now Now, yeah, right now I have this incredible gift of being someone's mom. Well, you know what, why did I get so lucky that this person chose me on their souls path to be their mom, with all of their struggles and all of their celebrations now? Yeah, yeah.
Katie Graham 17:39
Thank you, Denise. Yeah. Okay, next question is we kind of combined both Emily and Shawna, they both had a question about addressing burnout. So how do you, Denise, how do you address burnout and avoid, let's say, avoid burnout.
Denise Druce 18:02
I've only experienced burnout a couple of times in my life. And I realized through going through burnout that I was doing something that I was not supposed to be doing anymore. That was the sign for me, that I was going through the motion that I was doing all the shoulds that people expected of me. I had checked boxes, and I had arrived at a certain place. And so I was just where I was working, I was, you know, doing something that felt like might as well been on a production line in a factory. For me, burnout feels like you're drained, there's nothing left to give. You're not passionate about what you're doing. And so in both of those instances, I trusted the burnout as a sign that I needed to change something in my life. And in both cases, it meant giving up something that was part of my ego part of my identity. And yet it wasn't bringing me joy. It wasn't filling my days with passion. It to be concrete about it. One of the things was when I was a personal trainer, I was doing physically physical personal training. And I did that nonstop for two full years. My husband and I had this financial goal and he was managing the gym and I was doing the training. After two years of 5am to 9pm I was I actually started really not liking people at all. Like all people just go away. And for me I that was assigned, like it's time to either back way off on this or be done and I chose be done. And I let all of my clients know well in advance and then we just we shut that part down. I never looked back and then I got to jump into some new projects that gave me new life. And new, you know, just fresh eyes on on things. So that's my first answer is I could be pointing you to that the universe is Have you in a different direction, just you know that I'm just wondering, like to look in that direction. The other thing is, we this is very, very common knowledge, we cannot pour from an empty cup. And so a lot of times burnout comes because everyone else comes first. And we haven't taken time for what we know is self care. You know, for our own practices of yoga, meditation workouts, vacation time, time with the people we love, you know, those things have to be addressed, or work becomes a chore, and we get burned out. So put those self care back in, if at all possible. And then just make sure what you're doing with your one wild and precious life is wild and precious. Yeah.
Katie Graham 20:48
And I'm wondering, too, like, maybe somebody's idea of self care needs to shift, like maybe their self care. And what they used to do maybe was a little bit is a little bit too active or creating more adrenaline or creating, or maybe even adding into that burnout. So I'm wondering, maybe, as well, if this self care needs to be uber Uber, like quiet time, or just sitting with, I don't know, like sitting with yourself or drinking a cup of tea, or? Yeah, I'm just kind of thinking about we get into these patterns. And then it kind of feels like maybe the ways that we used to feel really good, aren't addressing now this new level of where we're at. I couldn't relate to that. So I'm just kind of I'm one, I'm kind of throwing the opposing out that question as well to the listeners. Yeah.
Denise Druce 21:54
Yeah. And it might be also another coming to the now like, when I'm getting ready to go do this project. You know, class, whatever it is. Maybe that's a good time to pause. pound on heart, deep breath now like, what what's here? Why am I dreading this? Yes. Yeah. What's, what is that? Yeah, and really, like, let yourself feel. Or maybe it's right after you get done right after you teach that class that you just did not want to teach? What is what is going on, I just gave up a fitness class that I mean, I've been teaching fitness classes for 40 years, 40 plus years. And I've been holding on to one public class on a schedule, because that's my identity. And because I was not ready to hang up my sneakers, you know. And every time I went to see that class of people there were lovely. It was a beautiful facility. But I just started to really like, it was more effort than, than the money and time were worth. And I just didn't feel like, here's the thing, I didn't feel like I was making a difference in people's lives. That's what was making me burnout. Because that's what lights me up. That's where my passion comes from, is I leave a class. And people are art, you know, they're grateful. And they're better than I found them. And there's joy. Yeah, I wasn't feeling that. Yeah, I wasn't getting that sense that I, I'm doing anything different here than anybody else off the street could do is just going through the motions. So maybe look in that direction to like, is there a place where I could serve and do this thing, that would have a different impact, and that would feed my soul as well as other souls?
Katie Graham 23:47
Oh, that's so juicy. I'm so glad that you related this topic to passion. Oh, I've never thought of it in that way. So looking at your life now, Denise, like if an outsider would look at you and say, You're doing it all because you look at like, how is she doing all of this? Is there must be a direct correlation to doing it all and having all these things that look external that you're doing, but it also might just be like fit like lifegiving filling you up with light at the same time. So there must be some way that burnout is not a factor because of the passion. Would you say 100%?
Denise Druce 24:36
Yes, I do at all because everything I do is part is connected to this vision of what I'm up to in the world and what my soul came here to do every email that I send, I'm connecting that to a higher calling every single so it doesn't feel like a tedious little box to check. It's like This is part of the big picture of how Denise shows up in the world. And for some reason for me that works, I think it's a brain trick that I play on myself. But, you know, I get burned out in places like cleaning my house. No guilty. for that. See real passion for cooking food for people
Katie Graham 25:24
kills me. That's why my house gets so dirty. And then streamlines like, we need to clean the house. And I'm like, I can't give it my all. I just don't even care. It's like, it's gotta get done. It
Denise Druce 25:36
does. And so I bet the people that are asking these questions are better than me at keeping up on the daily responsibilities of keeping a house clean and feeding children and running carpool and exercising dogs. I like I'm an empty nester. Now, I think I've kind of always been this way. But I don't, I don't spend my time doing very many things that I don't love doing. And one of those is like, I let my house go until it like I can't do any more, till I have somebody coming over. And then I'm like, very clean.
Katie Graham 26:08
So I'm thinking, and I'm just going to stream of consciousness this because I'm not really sure where this thoughts are gonna go. One thing that I've been doing lately is trying to arrive into some of these higher vibration feelings. So enthusiasm, like you said, passion, love, freedom, empowerment. It's so amazing. And it's can also bring up triggers inside me where I'm feeling the feelings of not having those things. So I'm just kind of imagining somebody in a place of feeling like really overwhelmed feeling, maybe on the edge of burnout. And so it's like, I love what you mentioned before is, again, like taking a moment to pause and feel into your body and notice what feelings are there? And if there are some sticky feelings, being able to like breathe into them, and then potentially offering a question of how could this transform? Or? Or what would it feel like to be in a more passionate, enthusiastic, loving freedom place? I'm just, it's a, it's an interesting dynamic, because I think we need to arrive in an integrated self. So we definitely need to feel the feelings that are already present, and then shifting into a new consciousness. However, it's so much easier said than done. So I'm just kind of thinking, if somebody is in maybe a less energetic place and lower vibration energy, how do you arrive at a place of knowing Oh, how do I shift this into a more passionate place? That's
Denise Druce 28:14
so good. Yeah, it's so good. And again, it's so here's why I have no A's at whatsoever. But what I think based on what you just said, is the the true the truest, true thing, right there would be to honor those downtimes. And to not mediately expect to bounce to that high vibration place like to recognize where I am when I'm in those lower valleys. And maybe it's okay, to take some time in the valley. Maybe it's okay to take a nap today or take a week off or fill in the blank of what helps you feel rested. Yeah, you know, a lot of us just we don't do that until we get sick and our bodies force us to take a week off, because that's just exactly what we need. And then again, I took out two sides of my mouth. I'm running out of patience with life because I'm running out of time with life. And we all are, I've just been given a an advance notice, you know, I got moved to the front of the line a little bit I think we don't know. But that's that's where I am. And I feel again, I just had this last time I was here. Such an urgency Yeah, to live life to the absolute fullest to squeeze every drop. And when I come to meet someone who isn't not in a judgy way but in a like, Oh honey, this is your you're the author, the blank pages right in front of you that pen is in your hand. It's a new day. It's a new moment. What do you want to make of this life and you're the only one that can you're the only person that can do this. There's no one and nothing else that that can hold you back from living into your dharma, your passion. And so be in that valley and recognize that and then figure that shit out. Like, let's get back up to where the vibrations are fulfilling us with joy. Do you know that the highest vibrating emotion I know, you know, this is not love? It's authenticity, the highest of all vibrations. So that's attainable. That's that's saying, I'm in the valley today. I need some help that's authentic. And that's vibrating at your highest level, because you're telling the truth about who you are. And living truthfully in that moment. How does that let's
Katie Graham 30:55
I said life giving this episode. That was truly Yeah, that was truly life giving. That was? Yeah, that's it. I think that was brilliant.
Denise Druce 31:05
Because it's not hamster wheel. I'm not saying everybody get your checklist out and get a bunch of stuff done in 24 hours. That's my mode of operation because I'm all the things that I am, you know, do all the color codes and oldest child and all that. It's what brings me joy. That's not everyone's story. And so whatever your story is, you know, authenticity seems to be the way to vibrate at our highest level and find the most peace in our lives.
Katie Graham 31:33
And both of these ladies have done that by asking by reaching out and asking their questions. Yeah. Which is, yeah, so they can, they can pat themselves on the back for that for the already arriving into that authenticity.
Denise Druce 31:48
Thank you to thank you both.
Katie Graham 31:52
Okay, another juicy question from Ashley.
Denise Druce 31:56
Love, Ashley. Love you, girl. We have a national moment, both put our hands up?
Katie Graham 32:02
Absolutely. You have taught us all about finding your why. What is your why? And has it changed over the years? Is it different now with a diagnosis? Or has it remained the same?
Denise Druce 32:19
That is a beautiful question. We start with my wife today. And let me trace that back to see if that has always been the same way. I believe that I am here on this blue and green ball spinning in space. I believe that my role here is to be an elevator to take situations that I stumble upon and just lift them up one floor, you know, whether that be through a conversation or relationship a training class retreats, I just tried to leave a space better than I found it. And a person better than I found them. You know, I know I leave those prison walls and it's brighter in there when when we walk out. So my why is that my why is to leave, leave people and things better than I found them. I think that's always been. I think that has always been my driving force. So it makes me wonder if our soul has a DNA and that's the code that my soul has is you're here to be a leader. And you you're here to inspire and help people just look up a little bit higher. And what's what's my next thing that I can do to make me happier? The hell help people do that.
Katie Graham 33:38
And so with the diagnosis, do you feel like you have shifted at all and your energy within that soul calling? Yeah,
Denise Druce 33:50
yes. But if anything, it's amplified my desire to make spaces better than I found them. And so now it starts to look like leaving a legacy. Leave a place better than you found it like can I leave Planet Earth better than I found it? Oh, there we go. There we go. It feels like that. Like, I don't know how much time I will have left to leave some little tiny mark here on this planet. And I hope it's a long time. But yes, that has become more of my driving force. If if anything gets me out of bed in the morning. It's that. Let's go do something cool today. Like let's go be on Katie's podcast. More episodes. Yeah, yeah.
Katie Graham 34:47
amplification. What does that amplification look like?
Denise Druce 34:52
It feels like urgency. It feels more important. You know When, when you're trying to kind of like, work through something's problem, solve it, how it helps you to talk about it to another person, and you don't want their advice, you just want to talk about it and process it. I feel like that's how I'm going through cancer. And I think that's why I'm so transparent with my posts and, and putting so much out there. I know for a fact that it's helpful when other people see somebody going through something that so all the other people that are going through cancer, maybe don't feel like they're going through it alone. I know that's helpful. But it's also helping me. So me being transparent and just sharing what I'm feeling when I'm sensing what's helping me all the positive pieces of like, how I'm staying in a positive space sharing that is, I think it's part of that why, you know, I feel like I can make a difference for people that are doing hard things by sharing my heart things. Yeah. So yeah, this has just given me a new platform, if you will, a new subject to preach from that I think just makes me a little bit more interesting than I used to be, and maybe have some deeper insights. You know, when people are going through the forest, they, you know, might have a few more things to share.
Katie Graham 36:27
So, like a, like a deeper intimacy within the why, like, it almost feels like more purposeful, more focus more focused. Yeah. And that's just interest. It's curious. Because I remember at the end of our last episode, I think we were talking afterwards, and or maybe it was during the, during the conversation, but you were expressing your calling, now helping other people that are going through cancer, and it felt it felt different to you now, because you said something about, like, it's not just, you know, T shirts and events and like this other stuff that not that that is that is so important as well, but it's like there's this shift that has happened within your diagnosis that is, is arriving you maybe deeper as a word. I don't know. Do you want to expand on that? Denise?
Denise Druce 37:33
Yeah, what I'm getting with this is, if I have you know, in Okay, let's go here and teacher training, we ask a question, at one point in time, we're talking about, you know, what are you a stand for? And it's what Ashley's talking about? Like, what is your big burning? Why? What do you stand for most powerfully? And one of the questions we ask is, if you knew you had six months to live, would you do things differently? So given this diagnosis, that the average is three to five years, okay, you've got this expiration date on you now, of course, everything's amplified with that. And it's interesting, because some people say, hit my bucket list, just like, became priority, I want to go to these places, I want to see these things. I want to skydive, I want to do all these things. I have zero desire to even leave my home right now. Like my priority became so narrowly focused, you know, that I, I want to, I want to be with my family, I want to make my you know, build a swimming pool in my backyard. I want to teach my virtual classes, I love my community there, I want to do my teacher training, I want to go to the prison. That's it. Like I don't have a desire to fill stadiums and like, be that big. I just want the impact that I have to be deep and personal and authentic.
Katie Graham 38:59
Oh, it's so good. Because I love I love getting under the surface of what we're doing and feel into, like the soil of what's kind of the point of it all. She's kind of an interesting thing, I think to really like, go into each of our own beingness and really, like be able to have a sense of curiosity with some of these like deeper aspects because I believe that is when we we find like true success and we find true fulfillment and so it's really beautiful to be able to have you Denise as being able to see your journey through it and like the success and then in the transformation and then the and now arriving in this diagnosis where there is I amplification of Oh, like what is what is deepening into Denise's soul? And and where is she finding that elevator and helping other people? And it's a whole it's a whole thing with success and fulfilment. Yeah,
Denise Druce 40:18
yeah. Which to me those, those have never been the goal. Those have always been the kind of the payoff, if you will, that's like a side benefit. That yeah, I always I feel like when I whenever I've chased money, or success, or power or notoriety, that's empty, that's when I get burned out when I chase any of those things. But when you are called to something like you with your podcast right here, I know that there's a huge why behind this, I know why you started this, I know your intention behind it, I know that this is life giving to you to have these interviews with people. And I know, you know, the end user is better for listening to your podcast. And so when that's in place, hope I don't know, there's not a lot of money in podcasting, but hopefully it sets the stage for some other opportunities, and it's part of a bigger picture of your livelihood. And you deserve to be compensated for all of your knowledge and wisdom and, and guests and all that work that you do, right. But the center of it is your passion. It's your authentic voice. It's your passion. And so every book you read is an investment in this. Every movie you watch, every person you meet is like, that's what's exciting to me is like it's all piece to the puzzle to make this big. Why better? Yeah, you know, and I love that that just that lights me up to think that every little interaction we have is just adding a piece to the puzzle to make us better at what we do. And we all have an expiration date. You know, let's say you get 100 years say you're the one of the lucky ones, and you get 100 years. If you're sitting at 50 right now. And you are not living the life that you want to live a blank page in front of you pens in your hand. The second half is yours. What brings you joy? Yeah, yeah.
Katie Graham 42:18
Oh, it's so good. And I'm thinking about the the burnout question again, too, is you said, acknowledge, in what ways you're living by the shoulds. Because that can probably redirect you until like, why maybe some causes that you're getting overwhelmed and burnt out. All does come back to that passion. Like if you start with passion, and and allow in what is available. I think a lot of the time we won't even receive what we have that is already supporting us and allow that passion that guide and there is a factor of like trust and faith within that process. But there's also so much fulfillment and that and kind of letting go to the process. Yeah. Yeah. So good. So good. Okay. Okay. Okay, we could, we could go into the white like, whole episode. But let's, let's keep moving forward. Let's go to Katie's question. This is not me, Katie. This is the difficulty. And we love this. Katie. Katie says, I feel like she is so selfless and how much time she gives to others. How does she think about balancing her time that she needs for herself with what she gives to help others?
Denise Druce 43:39
It's good question, right? Don't we all? You know that whole work life balance, self other balance? You can't feel from the empty cup? I mean, it's that's such a great question. Thank you, Katie. Ah, so again, I think my work is my play. Yeah, I really do. I don't, I don't feel at the end of the day, like I had three quarters of my day where work where I was giving, giving, giving and then depleted I think I get from the giving. I really do. I think I receive as much if not more from my students, when we've been in community together. So maybe what I do for a living is unique, right? Maybe you know, I get to be in spaces with the most amazing people with conversations like this all the time. That's life giving. And so so maybe I'm leaving if I were going to a nine to five job and working for someone else's dream. I don't know that I would feel that way. I'd feel like I was giving away a lot of my time maybe for my boss's dream or the corporate mission or something. So I think that's a juicy lovely thing about being an entrepreneur as you get to design your spaces. Yeah. And the way you spend your time. So I, there's another place, I don't really have a good ad for that. I know, it's really important to take care of yourself. And when you feel like that, too, you know, to do this self care. The other thing I would say to that is, I think it's sometimes helpful to reframe, also the way that we look at things and the way that we describe things. So gosh, doesn't this tie into that burnout question?
Katie Graham 45:28
I don't really love that burnout question. Yeah, going back. Yeah,
Denise Druce 45:31
I think it ties into that of like, if we're feeling that way, if we are feeling like I'm depleted, I'm giving, giving, giving ties into the mom, question two dozen. We have to pause, we have to pause and say what, what has to go. This is the theme of this conversation. It's my one wild and precious life, what needs to be taken off of the freaking plate, so that I can experience some joy in the time that I have here. So I can be with the people I want to be with, I could do the things I love to do? Is there a way to make my work more play? Or is there a way to make my play my work? Even better? Is there a way I can get my workout in while spending time with my family? Can I get my family to hike with me or pick up bike riding or join the gym with me? And we all go at the same time? Like I like getting creative? Instead of all these separate buckets in my life? How can I put some things together? To make better use of my time and then enjoy my time working out better? Because I'm with someone I love? Maybe that could be a solution to kind of look into grouping some activities
Katie Graham 46:50
together. Yeah. Yeah. And I'm wondering if this question, maybe there is a fear or a belief that's based in fear that is driving this question. I'm just kind of thinking, this giving and receiving, like when I'm thinking about that, I've struggled with that in my relationships, and I kind of think about the breath. And, you know, because I'm a breathwork facilitator, so I would offer maybe a practice of breathing, from your heart space breathing, giving and receiving, giving and receiving with each breath, and potentially be curious and kind of feel into is, is there a fear or a tightness, contraction. So maybe a somatic feeling that you're feeling in your body when you're giving, like we breathe and receive into the heart, exhale, breathe out to give from the heart? And I'm just curious, it would be interesting to kind of see if maybe there was there was a fear underlying the giving part of of the equation. I love
Denise Druce 48:11
that. So fear definitely could show up there. What about resentment? Yeah, right. If I fallen into some role, where the people around me expect all these things, and I'm feeling unappreciated, or unfulfilled in these duties, these things that people expect of me and I keep doing them. That's a very, very powerful emotion, you know, that gets stuffed down. We don't want to admit when we feel resentment. But, you know, I wish these people in my house would quit being hungry all the time. You guys, I just finished laundry quit wearing clothes.
Katie Graham 48:48
Back to the mom question. Right. Yeah, I think that resentment. Yeah. And
Denise Druce 48:54
I think there can be so many things underlying that. And then this brings up boundaries as well. Right? Like having really clear boundaries, and I do I've, I've quit, to a very large extent doing anything at night. I don't pick up any classes or gigs. You know, speaking anything at night, because that's my time. That's my downtime. That's my home time. But I don't teach early morning classes anymore. So I just started creating places in my life that felt like when I felt like that, I don't show up now until 9am. That's my start time. Yeah. Because if I do, I feel resentful, and depleted. So there could be maybe some areas to look like that. Where could I create a few more boundaries? I don't answer emails after a certain time or everyone in my life knows if you want anything for me send an email because the text read it just gets buried and I'm, I refuse to be a slave to that instant text demand. And so I think there are some things maybe we can create around that that give us A little more control of our time. And our space.
Katie Graham 50:03
Hmm, that's juicy. Yeah, boundaries are from a place of love. Yeah. Yeah. So good. Okay, awesome. Thanks, Katie for your question. Yes. Okay, we're gonna do a little bit more rapid fire on these last few questions if feeling good about that feel good. Hey, okay, so what do you think makes a great teacher?
Denise Druce 50:30
someone that knows their why
Katie Graham 50:32
perfect mail that came? What is yoga therapy in depth? What does a session or series of sessions look like?
Denise Druce 50:45
Okay, um, short answer, rapid fire, yoga, yoga, is acting as a therapist, but using yoga as the modality. So if you think of a physical therapist, or yoga therapist is not quite at that level, but stands in that same world to use the physical postures to help people create and fix imbalances. If you think of a talk therapist, or a mental health professional, a yoga therapist is not that unless they are. But we serve in that realm of helping people in a somatic way, tap into their mind, body and listen, find stored traumas and work through the expression that the body wants to have. And then if you think of, you know, so there are so many other things that a yoga therapist can use, such as sound therapy, crystal therapy, aromatherapy, touch therapy, drum, you know, they're, they're all the yoga tools that a therapist could use as well. So that's what a yoga therapist is, I can only speak to my experience and the way that I was trained. But a session looks like doing some movement together and getting embodied, to a point where you kind of can drop out of your head and into your body. You've set an intention for your practice, such as something that you are trying to heal, or answer or find within yourself. And so then the therapist would guide you into, in my experience, more restorative postures, where we have dialogue. And the dialogue is very simple. What are you feeling? Where is that in your body? Does it have an emotion attached to it? Can you describe it? And then in our describing these emotions that we feel in our bodies, we solve our own problems. It's the most fascinating thing in the world. So just a simple example I feel pain or I feel something in my lower back. Well, can you describe that? It feels dull and hard and kind of stuck and rigid? Okay, the question could be, is there anywhere in your life that right now it feels dull and hard and stuck and rigid to you? And almost always, that's where the tears come? Because it's so obvious. It's like, it's just right there. Like I wasn't making that connection, but my body was and and so that's the yoga therapy. There's no real advice giving. It's what do you want to do with that information? Now? Can I can I support you in some kind of an action item or a plan moving forward to help you take that back into your life and put it to use?
Katie Graham 53:30
So good? Yeah, good. Yeah. So
Denise Druce 53:32
I'm not doing any private sessions right now. That's another boundary I've created my time. But I do know three really amazing yoga therapists in Salt Lake if someone is interested in a referral, I'm easy to find. So reach out and I'm happy to to connect you so you can find out about pricing and hours and things like that.
Katie Graham 53:51
Awesome. And we'll have all Denise's contact info info in the show notes. So we'll, you can easily just click on that. Okay, what exercise habits lifestyle are most relevant to aging bodies that want to be fit and healthy? Good.
Denise Druce 54:11
Motion is lotion. So however you like moving, whatever feels good to your body, that's that's the thing. Whether it's swimming, walking, jogging, yoga, there's so many options. If I had my way, every human being would do one hour of physical activity every day. And as we age, resistance training gets more and more and more important. So cardio activity tends to be less. Less important as we age not not important, but less of a priority. So we want to continue lifting weights and heavier weights that keep our bones strong and keep our joints stable, that keep our muscles strong so that we can react to things like a fall. Strengthen our muscles so we can keep doing the activities. We'd love. My whole goal with aging, with myself included, is to work on staying upright. So if we look at it that way, the tendency is with gravity as we age to round forward. And sadly, we're seeing a lot of young people do that now, because of all the sitting that we do in our devices and whatnot. So when I get a client that is aging, I work on posture, I work on back strength, I work on stretching the muscles in the front of the body, that allow us to live life upright, because when we're upright, we're healthy. That's vitality. Like when our shoulders are back, and our chin is up, we're, that's a healthy place to live. So I guess whatever activity helps you be upright. Yeah,
Katie Graham 55:46
yeah. And you offer such amazing videos on your site called Patreon, Patreon, Patreon. Yeah, that I've noticed there's quite a few there, that would be really good for aging bodies,
Denise Druce 55:57
functional wellness, kind of the direction that I'm headed, that's more weights training and mobility, stretching and moving the body in functional ways. And a lot less impact. A lot less jumping and jarring and fast movements. Yeah. Yeah.
Katie Graham 56:14
And I mean, I can personally speak to changing my yoga to doing more at home has been like really supportive for me and just doing definitely, including some more gentle practices has just felt so yummy in my body. So I just want to thank you, Denise, for having that outlet, because I use those videos all the time. And I love so so glad I definitely yeah, recommend anybody to check that out.
Denise Druce 56:44
Great. Thank you. Yeah.
Katie Graham 56:46
Okay, so last one last question. How do you stay so positive?
Denise Druce 56:54
Like we all want to know, Well, can I do a long answer? The short answer for the time for that? This is such a good question. You know, I just don't like the alternative. That's the short answer the short answer. I don't like the alternative. So there's this, this conversation we have in teacher training called stories, if you remember. And we we put two circles up on the board, and we say, okay, in any instance, in life, there's a thing that happened. And then there's the story that I'm telling myself about what happened. And very often, the thing that happened is just this kind of, it's just, it's a thing, it's a thing that happened in time, and then it's done. But then my story comes along, and the story takes on a life of its own. And so we live inside of stories about what happened in our past. And we let those stories define us. So case example, my father was an alcoholic, I'm the way that I am because I was raised this way, right? As if we have no choice but to be any other way than a victim of fill in the blank of this thing that happened to us. So I love the idea that if we can find that happening, if we can find a place in our life where something's not working, there's a story at work. It's like, it's like software running in the background of your computer. What's my story around that I've got a story that I'm not lovable, or that I'm not worthy or that I don't deserve. Or, if we can find that that story, we might even be able to trace back to where that story began. And if we can do that, we get to change the story. We wrote it in the first place. And now we get to like Today's a new day, the pens in your hand and blank pages before you write. So you get a phone call and they say you your cancer is back and it's in your spine in your lungs and it's incurable options. You know what story here's what happened? Right? Some cells went crazy in my body. Okay, here's the story. Why me? Why the hell me? I've done everything right. I've worked out every day in my life. I eat healthy. I'm a good person. Why me? Poor me, victim. Okay, I don't like living in that space. Those are the low vibrations and that makes me lose all hope. It makes me just want to give up the fight and not even get up tomorrow morning. So by choice, my story is Whew, that's interesting. Well, I guess class is in session. My teacher just showed up. What do I have to learn from this? Let's go. Yeah, let's get up. Let's put your big girl shoes on. This is going to be a hard day. We're going to do this. Pull up your bootstraps. You know that that's the story that I purposely chose and Use again moment by moment. Cancer to me is its gift, if you will, because I have not lived one moment since June 21, when I have not felt deeply grateful for the moment, not one, not even the hard moments, they're drawing blood, they're doing a test. I'm in the middle of an MRI machine, deeply grateful for the moment that I'm alive. And then I get to be here and learn this thing and feel this thing. So that's a choice. I'm choosing that story. And so that's my answer to that question, how do you stay so positive? I just choose to, I don't like the alternative. You know, and if you'll let me just ramble with a little bit more than I think this could really inspire some people with our work in the prison. This conversation, we just had this conversation with the men who are in teacher training, just Saturday, the story conversation. And I shared with them how the woman who that I always talk about that serving a life sentence. When she had this conversation with us the story thing she went from, I'm wrongly convicted, I'm a victim, some bitterness, she decided right there in that moment to change her story and to say, I don't know why I'm here, but I know I'm here. And from this moment forward, I am going to be in service. I'm going to make my days here count, I'm going to leave a legacy, those young girls that are coming in and out of here with that revolving door, I'm going to make a difference in their life, I'm going to help the officers go home more peacefully. And that woman completely changed not only her experience, but everyone around her to the extent where they just gave her a Perl date. She's getting out on November 28. And it's largely because I think she wrote a new story and lived into it seven years ago. It's so powerful. So I share this with the men on Saturday. And there's this dude, you know, this burly guy sitting in the corner, and he's like, Well, this all makes a lot of sense. But you know, I just have so much shame. I'm living with so much shame about what I did. I can't let it go. I can't get past it. Which of, you know, isn't that what we want people that have committed horrendous crimes to feel right. And so just acknowledging that he's feeling that, but then also suggesting, that's the story. What happened was your crime, you've served this time, you've done all of these things to better yourself. You felt shame, you felt guilt? You've done the remorse, you don't have any control over the people in your life that might hold you to your past? And what's the new story you can write today? Everything that I've done everything in my past got me here. Now watch what I do with it. Who can I help now? Because of my past, not in spite of my past? Who can I help? That is going through what I've gone through? Can I help victims of crimes like my crime and make a difference in the world that way? You know, and he just he vowed that he that was so powerful for him. He was just in tears. And he said, I am going to start speaking about my crime. He's been very secretive. I mean, everybody in there knows everything that he said, I feel like if I start speaking about my crime, and being vulnerable and authentic, I think that's going to attract people into my life that I can help. He just changed his story. Right there on the spot. So I encourage our listeners, like if there's a story in your life that's not pointing you to your fullest joy and expression and your wild and precious life. Right. You know, you get to write a new story, and it starts today. Yeah.
Katie Graham 1:04:07
Oh my gosh, Denise. That was worth every minute I've done on the podcast. Like,
Denise Druce 1:04:17
I think it's truth. It's true. I don't like the alternative. I don't like the other stories that I could have created about where I am. I feel comfortable in the story that right here right now. I'm feeling good. I am not sick. I am not dying right now. I don't care what you say. Yep. Google doubles. And as long as I hear I intend to continue being this way because it just feels good.
Katie Graham 1:04:48
Feels so good. Yeah, and I'm just gonna I'm gonna soak up that and listen to that and I hope or I will commit to a practice where I can write down my shame and the stories. Because that is that is so powerfully true as we can rewrite any moment. Yeah. It's like when do you want to rewrite it now? And a year? Yeah, 10 years when you're dead?
Denise Druce 1:05:22
Don't wait. Don't wait. And shame is that I am a bad person, like guilt is I did a bad thing, right? So we have to acknowledge, like, guilt is a healthy emotion, I did something wrong there amends to make, let's make them shame. If you can let go of that the moment you decide to no longer judge yourself as a bad person based on a thing you did. Because what you did is not who you are. And so yeah, writing that down, I think can be very therapeutic and helpful. Right now, I'm just deciding I am not using the label of shame anymore. Yeah. I'm not a bad person.
Katie Graham 1:06:00
So good, Denise. Thank you. So like, such a good episode. And thank you so much. For all the listeners that submitted questions. I know we couldn't get to all of them. But I want to direct anybody that sent questions about cancer managing cancer, questions about Denise and how she's received the diagnosis and moving through it. Our last conversation was really would really serve that. Any questions with that? And then anything about yoga? The episode 46, our first episode together, I want to redirect people to that, because that was all about yoga and life and, and so yeah, any questions we didn't get to please listen to those previous episodes. And again, thank you so much for all the listeners that were able to engage in this way. I just love this format. So hopefully, we could do more. More with Denise, of course. And then just more in the future and the podcast. Yeah. So thank you so much.
Denise Druce 1:07:08
Thank you for having me. And, again, yes, I will reiterate that thank you to all that sent in questions. We love all of you, Katie and I just looked at this paper and when we love these guys so much. So thank you. I hope all of you have a lovely day that's full of joy and passion and purpose. Thank you. Thanks, Katie.
Katie Graham 1:07:28
Thank you. Bye, listeners. I'll see you all next week. If you have made it to the end of this episode, and you want more, more wellness tools, practices and insights from this episode, and others, make sure to sign up for email list. This is where we connect and support our body breaking free community. So if you're ready for the next step, the link to sign up will be in the show notes at Katie Kay graham.com forward slash newsletter.
