70. Intuitive Eating via Yamas & Niyamas

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Two powerful philosophies to change your relationship to food! We explore intuitive eating in the context of yoga's yamas & niyamas. GET ON THE NEWSLETTER: katiekaygraham.com/newsletter

EPISODE REFERENCES:
Intuitive Eating by Elyse Resch and Evelyn Tribole
The Yamas & Niyamas by Deborah Adele

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there's freedom there, right? Like, we're like free in that moment. Like, I get chills. That is like, the essence of what body breaking free is. Tap into that place and time that freedom like that's, that's what life's all about. Hey, you guys. And welcome back to another episode, I am your host, Katie Kay. And today, our conversation is around intuitive eating in the context of yamas and niyamas. Oh my gosh, I am like, once I sparked this idea, I was like, we have to do a full episode on this. Now we're probably going to be doing two full episodes on this. Because it's such an empowering conversation, these two philosophies are here to really empower you living in the sea of your soul. And what I mean by that is, they aren't controlling or suffocating, or like the diet mentality where we have all these rules that we need to follow. They are here to help guide you on your path to be in more alignment with what your soul craves, and what your sense of self really needs. And it's more of this like intuitive path, but there is no like, this is the exact direction that you need to take. And more of like for you individually. What is your GPS system need? And how can it guide you in the right direction. And kind of like you'll know when you're kind of off balance or off center. And these principles will help you bring you back into okay, like you're headed north and you're good to go. And you just keep headed straight. And then, you know, see where it takes you. And I think always any kind of philosophy that's going to help us really be present with what our soul really craves. And isn't some sort of standard system where it's like, everybody needs to follow this one path that we can kind of intuitively know this is really going to be empowering. And so the yamas and niyamas are the first two limbs of the eight limbs of yoga. And Intuitive Eating is about connecting to your intuitive signals in your body. Having that interoceptive awareness and following the principles outlined through intuitive eating all backed by scientific research. I think they're on our fourth edition

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maybe I didn't know that, let's say Resh and Tripoli. I know the last names, but I mixed up the first name. So this book, I'll put it in the show notes. So if I totally effed that up, you can just go to the show notes, and it will have the correct link and information. But these two dieticians started this way of eating, and it is so profound, and how many lives it's changed. And when I say lives, like I actually mean it's changed people's lives. Because our relationship to food is a direct mirror into our relationship to self, and how we live our life. So once people start to heal their relationship to food, they start to step into the life. They're meant to be living there. They literally change how they relate to their lives to others to themselves. And it's really, I mean, I just like the more I research and get into this intuitive eating, the more I'm just so shocked by how much it can really change. And I think it's really cool that we keep showing up and wanting to grow like that was one thing I wanted to mention before we dive into this episode is you know, sometimes we forget like why like why do we even want to hear about these concepts and why am I like sitting in my car wanting to learn about how intuitive eating is connected to yamas and niyamas. And if my husband was is here listening, he'd be like, what is like I would rather like shoot myself in the face than listen to an hour of this conversation. And that's okay too, like good for him. But for those of us that we know that something's off, like, with our relationship to food, maybe our relationship to the yamas and niyamas. So some of the boundaries that we can have in our life and self growth, like all of its interrelated, but we are willing to have the energy to show up and learn something new that could drastically change our purpose, how we feel in our body, how we move forward in the direction of our life. Because all of this stuff, you guys all of the nitty gritty stuff that seems like oh, it's like a tiny little baby step. That's the step that's actually going to change everything. And I know this from personal experience. Once I changed my relationship to food, my life turned five degrees. And I am like, way out in a different direction now than I would have been. And it was it was my relationship to food. And that's why I still dive into these topics. That's why I continually revisit intuitive eating. And I'm actually in a 12 week Intuitive Eating group right now, which has been so insightful. Also being able to see how other people struggling with food, professionally, it gives me a lot of insight. But personally, I'm still working through these principles, I just meet myself where I'm at, I might be at a, you know, a different point than what when I was when I first started this, but it's really cool to be able to be like, Oh, I still need work in this area. And once I heal this part, I know it's going to change my life. Like that's how powerful it is. So this conversation, obviously, let's get hyped up about it. And so the like this whole conversation, I want to give us just a little bit about what to expect for the episode. And then we'll dive into all the you know, all the points that we want to hit on today. Okay, so what to expect? So first, I want to talk about the why behind this conversation. Why does this matter? Why do we even care? What is this gonna like do for us, too. And then I want to talk about the bigger picture of intuitive eating, and the correlation to Yama and Niyama has, as I was going through my research to prep for this episode, I think that it's it could be really more powerful in a sense to just look first at like this overarching bubble of the context of how they're related. What are these two concepts philosophies? And like what like kind of see like, oh, like, how can this really change my life and my relationship to food? And then I will go into the five principles of the Yamas, specifically, and our correlation to intuitive eating. So this episode, we're just going to focus on the Yamas. Because, well, most probably my first reason is, we don't have actually, my first reason is because I've been teaching the Yamas in my yoga classes the last five weeks. And so personally, I've been going through each Yama, and professionally, I've been teaching the armas. And so I feel really connected to them right now. And I feel like if I was to go into the NI aamas, I would be doing you a disservice of not feeling not personally connected and understanding them to the depth that I want to. And so that's the first reason second reason I don't want to give you a three hour episode where you just feel like you're totally crushed by the end of me too. I don't think I could do a three hour episode. So we're gonna do another episode and about five weeks to go over the knee Yamas. So we'll get into that next. Okay. And then yeah, my a quick intro into my interpretations of these two concepts. These are like, then yamas and niyamas themselves, we could have a whole podcast dedicated to it. There's obviously an extent of so many different interpretations, so much research. So I want you to know that my interpretation is from my own personal experience, from what I learned in my 200 hour yoga training and from specifically the book The Um as in the Yamas by Deborah Adele, which I'll put the link in the show notes for that book as well. And so I want you to know, this is like the group of information that we're getting this information from for today's episode. And then the intuitive eating. I personally have been through intuitive eating with my nutritionist. I think it was like, four or five years ago, I'd have to go back. But there is an episode Becky Kenan, I interviewed my nutritionist, we talk all about intuitive eating. So that's a great episode to go back to, to listen, I

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think it was number 35. I could be wrong. But yeah, Becky Canons episode is great. So I've personally been through the intuitive eating experience, then reading through the intuitive eating book. And that has been my reference. And then this 12 week, intuitive eating group that I've been attending weekly going through each principle. And I think we're on week, six this week. So moving through those principles, this is where my context is coming from, and you can expand off of it in multiple different areas, many different information out there. But if this specifically is resonating with you, then I would definitely, you know, expand, if you want to expand, you can check out those books. I do want to say just quickly, that intuitive eating, I believe doesn't happen in a vacuum. I feel like if you're really ready for change, that means that the way that you've been doing things is no longer working for you. And how you've been approaching it has just been from your best knowledge from what you know. And so in order to change, I really believe getting a different perspective outside help a nutritionist, a group, some other perspective to really help you through this journey. I've heard from a few people that they've read the book, but haven't really embraced the concepts or really gone through the journey. Because it was just kind of a you know, I read the book, and then I try it out and can't change. Of course you can change, right, you've been doing the best you can on your own. And now it's time to really show up. Like if you really want to change and heal your relationship to food, it's time to seek somebody else's help seek the time seek the energy. And sometimes financially, you know, you're gonna have to put a pity, pity, pretty penny on it. Like, that's just the fact of wanting to make change. And if you can't afford it, first ask yourself, can you really afford it? And maybe there's a money like, healing aspect that needs to happen there. And secondly, maybe you're afraid of using your finances to help yourself that can happen a lot. Maybe there's some healing that can happen. They're like, why aren't you showing up for yourself? Why aren't you using your money to really help yourself growth? And third, if you really financially can't, there's other resources, right? There's groups, there's meetings, there's tons of online stuff that people are just giving free advice, free content. I'm sure there's multiple Facebook groups. So just keep all of that in mind if that's where you're at. But yeah, change requires, you know, us to get unstuck from the way that we've been doing it and we need the help, we need some help and guidance. Okay, so let's start this conversation. Number one, I really want to talk about why this conversation matters because like, it's so easy to forget why we're in the self growth wire. We're listening to an hour long episode of like intuitive eating, connecting to the yamas and niyamas. And so I'm going to start with this quote from Deborah Adele in the yamas and niyamas book. Quote, In the midst of our indecisions and confusions, these guidelines are like helping hands, moving us deeper into our own authenticity, and into a life that is richer and fuller than we could ever imagine simply because we are living with more skill and awareness. And then later down she says, quote, we have the choice to burst forth boldly and claim our lives in this very moment. and yoga has 10 guidelines, the yamas and niyamas can support that very leap into the life that we seek. under their guidance, the turbulence and drama that are often a familiar part of our life begin to disappear.

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So yeah, I love like how she, how she kind of phrases that and this is at the beginning of the book, and just understanding that we can live our lives more skillfully, and bolder and more full. And that's like what we want, right? We want the experience of our relationship to food, and how we live our lives with more joy. And it just kind of like pumps me up a little bit, just to think, okay, yeah, this is my why, like, why am I doing this. And our relationship to food is a direct mirror, into our relationship with ourselves, and how we interact with others and our life, like literally a direct mirror. So I know for me, when I started healing my own relationship with food, my whole life started to change. And Janine Roth actually talks about this in her book, women, food and God. And it's just like, it's pretty cool to see how, yeah, okay, we can look at this, like, Oh, we're healing our relationship to food. It's just one like little sub area of our whole life. But no, like, think about the freedom if you release some of your attachments. If you are more truthful around your relationship with food, all this all the kind of the Yamas. And the philosophies can liberate us from like, all these negative kind of connotations, all these things around food that just like suck up all the mental energy, just like all of this stuff that weighs us down, and it really does reflect back into our lives, like, we can show up in our lives more fully more present, more full of joy. And so it's a big topic. It's a big deal. Okay, so I also wanted before we dive into the nitty gritty, just give us maybe a little bigger picture view, an overarching view of the Yamas niyamas and intuitive eating. Okay, so, when we're looking at Yamas, the, this is the first limb of the eight limbs of yoga, and I am not sure if I said this already, I had to kind of rerecord this one little clip. So I'm gonna like, say this one more time is that we're just talking this episode on the Yamas. And then in five weeks, we'll do a knee Yamas episode but so the Yamas is like this first limb of the eight limbs of yoga, and it's really our foundation of everything, right? So it's like, this is like how we kind of are set up to go into all the other eight limbs of yoga, or seven limbs of yoga rather. And the Yamas are literally referred to as restraints. So boundaries, and it's really interesting to kind of, like understand our relationship to boundaries. And for me, it's like when I first started going through the Yamahas I didn't really understand or couldn't really fully grasp. Like why would be adding and like add it almost felt like adding more rules adding more control, actually help me live my life more fully. And Deborah Adele she quotes I think this is a really important quote. She says, Many guides to ethical conduct may leave us feeling overwhelmed with concepts are boxed in by a set of rules. yogas guidelines do not limit us from living life but rather they begin to open life up to us more and more fully. And they can flow easily into one another in ways that are practical and easy to grasp.

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So when I first was going through these Yamas I didn't really understand okay, why would these helped me live my life more fully, if they're set up as restraints, but as I went through them it's actually a really profound to see oh, like it does help me feel more empowered. It they do actually. They actually almost set up these like values I can live my life by and not in a restraining like controlling way, but more I kind of think of it's like soft edges like kinda like these boundaries that set me up to be more fully in alignment with my unique self. And that's also what Intuitive Eating does, right? So, Intuitive Eating is based off of the book intuitive eating by Trimboli, and rash. And there are two dieticians. And it's not just kind of this like free for all, which is a common misconception. And these 10 principles set us up in a way that we can have boundaries. It's almost like that GPS system, it leads us in the right direction, while supporting and empowering our own intuitive paths. So our own unique kind of our souls purpose path. And from what I've learned, is, it's really empowering to live your life, by the set of values, it's almost like showing up for yourself with integrity, with values of being truthful with yourself, of showing yourself non violence. And we'll talk about how we can look at each of these concepts and like this obvious like, kind of surface level, like, of course, like non stealing, I'm not gonna steal from somebody or like, take, you know, take their whatever, I don't know, go to the grocery store and take food or something and not pay for it. But there's also a lot of internal concepts, right? How are you stealing from yourself? How are maybe you stealing from other people's energy? Are you trying to manipulate them? Like, how is that affecting them? Are you stealing from the earth? There's all of these kinds of like, underlying concepts to each of these. And it can be really empowering to live by a set of values that you can uphold, in your own personal authority. And it's not about restraining your own sense of self. It's about lifting your own sense of self. So that you can say, these are my values, I want to be truthful. I don't want to be possessive, I want to let go of attachments. Right? I want to have that freedom. Like that's freedom, right? Not all boundaries need to be suffocating or rules or like you need to follow it right, you can choose not to follow it. It but it's giving you choice. And once you have these kind of boundaries around ed in particular, then you can start to step into your own empowerment choice, right, I think that's the one word that's been taken away from us a lot of the time is, we didn't feel like we had choice. But now it's kind of taking the power back and your relationship to food. And one of the first principles in Intuitive Eating is reject the diet mentality. And such an empowering step to finally let go of some of the these like society standards that actually aren't serving, you actually have no proof of serving anybody else. And is really harmful. And so some of these boundaries are really free. And they're almost like this letting go of this old mentality of these old rules, so that you can set new, more healthy boundaries. So it's really cool to see how like the Yamahas these principles are directly correlated to intuitive eating, and how these quote unquote restraints can actually be new and more empowering for your sense of self and can actually help you choose better for you. Right, your choice for your soul's purpose for how you want to move forward. So I actually have really seen in my own, like, how I've been through intuitive eating, and also seeing the Yamas how I've actually had to let go of some of the old rules and boundaries that I've held on to that aren't serving me, and how these new boundaries do help me live a more full life like Deborah doll was saying, and I hope that you'll see that too as you work through these principles. And, and here, I'm on that episode today.

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Let's dive into each of those five principles and get a better understanding of how they're interrelated with intuitive eating. And then, yeah, we can just kind of bring this into our lives. Maybe there's some concept that you hear today that really resonates and and you can intuitively bring that into your life and make a big difference. Okay, so number one, the first Yama is the Ahimsa, which means non violence so Ah, that I get so excited about this, this is the first Okay, let me say, the Yamas, just in the context of the eight limbs of yoga, the Yamas are like this foundation. So we started the Yamas. It's the first limb of the eight limbs of yoga, and it gives us this, these restraints, these boundaries, so that we can kind of grow and evolve from this place of foundation, right? So we almost have these restraints to keep us on that GPS on that direction, so that we can grow and change in our own uniqueness in a positive way and where we want to go. So yeah, so this is the foundation and I wrote these notes here and I have for a Ahimsa for non violence, I have these key words of love of self belief, trust, to change and courage. So just in that, like, that's really cool to think of like this is our foundation that we're building a house upon. And we don't want it to be like this a loose like gravelly dirt, right? We want that like foundation to be rock solid, we want something to really stand on and root on. And if we can ruin some of these beautiful characteristics of non violence and like the sky's the limit. So this is a really important one. So this non violence is the grounding, like I said, and what Deborah Dahl says, if we don't ground our lives and actions and non violence, everything else we attempt will be precarious. So this kind of what the yogi's say is, we need to first start here, because if we don't, then everything else we build like that house, like we're built on a unstable, kind of like, loose, rocky Foundation. And we want that bad boy to be concrete. Right? So sometimes we kind of have to tear down the old ways that we're used to doing things so that we can start with a really strong foundation, we can start again. And that's okay. Right? Sometimes we really have to start over to bring ourselves in this rootedness, of self love and belief and trust, and all these amazing things so that we can grow in just like the most profound way and the way that our soul is really craving us. And so relating this whole concept to intuitive eating. So this, let me backtrack a little bit. So when we root in non violence, I want to talk a little bit about how are we violent towards ourselves? Right? We think about non violence in the surface level, of course, we don't want to be violent towards others. But in what way are we potentially creating violence to ourselves, and what I've realized of going through Deborah Adele's book, and then integrating it into my own personal life, it's pretty, like it just happens, where we think violent things towards ourselves. And that can just be in the ways that we judge ourselves, where we feel like guilt or comparison. And what Deborah Dell says is that all of our violence is rooted in fear. Now, this is fascinating to think about fear. And what I've studied before is A Course in Miracles and Gabby Bernstein, and this concept of fear, can really

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undercut our capacity, to have courage to have balance to have love of self. Right, and fear is just been created in our own imagination, which means it can all be undone, right. So our belief systems that are rooted in fear which all those things I talked about the guilt, the comparison, the judgments, all of this can be undone. And to some degree, we have to have belief that this is true. We have to believe in ourselves enough. We have to believe in love. More than that we believe in the fear. I have actually a little card in my room that says all that I love is more important to me than all that I fear. And it's something I have to continually remind myself and if I'm if I'm in a place of fear I am feeling violent towards myself, I am leading myself in a direction that is not serving my soul or my purpose or really the sense of self that I want to feel. And so Deborah Dell, another quote, she says, we learn compassion as we stop living in our heads, where we can neatly arrange things and ground ourselves in our bodies, where things might not be so neat. I'm literally like, dying, because I love this quote so much. And it's such a great interception into our foundation of intuitive eating. So as we notice the fear living in our heads and how we're so like, manipulative of trying to arrange things and protect things and control our schedule, what can we do to actually see that, that might all be imagined from a place of fear that no longer is serving us. And we can actually believe in something that is way more truthful, that is in way more alignment, and we can ground ourselves in our bodies where things might not be so neat there, right things might be a little uncomfortable. And that might be something that we've actually been pushing away from and actually been fearful of. So intuitive eating, I truly believe just going through my own personal experience, and then also, a significant part of what we had talked about in our intuitive eating group is it all roots in our self compassion, we have to start there, right, we have to start in a place of self love, of actually believing in ourselves and believing that we have the courage to change. And just like a little acceptance for going through a process that might be messy, that certainly unknown. And it might just kind of feel a little sticky email like Pema children always talks about this, like stickiness of being in this weird, unknown place. And it's okay to be there, Ray, especially if we're creating or trying to create lasting change that's going to serve us on the long run, then we have to go through some uncomfortableness. And we need to have that compassion for ourselves to know, you know, it's not always going to feel great. And we can at least show ourselves love by not being violent with our thoughts and not

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not believing in the fear as much as we believe in the love and being okay, that we're going to fail. And we're going to, you know, feel guilty at some point. And, you know, there's like one part in my Intuitive Eating journey that really sticks out is that making peace with food and just allowing myself to eat whatever I wanted. And that's a huge concept in intuitive eating, that also kind of gets misconstrued. So I really want to nail this point. So you like, once you go on that intuitive eating journey, you have to realize that you've built your rules and these constructs around food that have been somebody else has told you to do, right, you've learned these kinds of good and bad labels with food. And in in order to come back to your own Intuitive Eating abilities, you have to realize that these rules are not serving you and you need to let all of those go. So that you can make peace with food. So that's really hard, right? Because you're eating these foods that you've thought of as quote unquote, bad for so long, that it's scary to allow yourself to eat them to give yourself permission. And and so when I was going through this whole process, I had to keep reminding myself, I'm doing this so that I can change for the long term so that I don't need to be controlled by the diet mentality. And so that I eventually know I can get to a place where I'm not spending all this time and energy, mental energy on food because I want my purpose to be more than this right? And so having this Like foundation of, I'm doing this really out of self love. And I do believe that there's something better on the other side. And there is a, like a inner weaving of just like this immense courage to just show up completely different. And all of this, you guys is the same as the Yama as the nonviolence is that love of self have the courage of finding that balance. It's incredible how directly correlated they are. And I'm not going to go into all the nitty gritty, because I think we could spend like hours on each one. So just know that I'm kind of going through each of these concepts more in a broad philosophy. But it's, yeah, it's like I just want you to get across this part of nonviolence is learning to, you know, see the ways that maybe you're conflicting harm on yourself through fear. And maybe having a sense of self love and compassion towards yourself, can can remove some of this fear and can really build a new foundation that is only going to uplift you right, the remember, Deepak Chopra says, to banish worry as pointless. Like, once we can kind of see our guilt and our worry, and our fear based stories is pointless, like pointless. He's literally says, pointless, then we can be like, what is like, what is something I can believe in myself, and believe in love, and believe in the compassion that is really there that, you know, that can really guide me on this journey. And starting, they're starting just like with that acceptance is, like, It's where it all starts. Like, it's, it's,

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you know, I know I say this on the podcast, but I talk about all these mindfulness teachers, and it is like, they all start with compassion and acceptance of self and learning how to do that it's a it's a real learning. But it's beautiful. Once you can do that, then your foundation is like rock solid, like nothing's going to take you down. Like that intuitive eating journey is just going to happen that much quicker, that much stronger, you're going to feel that much supported, if you can really like love yourself during the journey, as cheesy as that sounds. But I know from experience, I know from hearing other people's stories, that it's just like that you can't do better than that if you start there. Okay, number two, the second Yama is truthfulness. So the ways that we can be truthful in the present moment. So the, the truthfulness of this present moment, is having radical honesty with yourself. And you can't have that radical honesty with yourself. Unless you're rooted in that compassion of self, then you can bring in the awareness, the truthfulness, right, and then you can even let go of what's not serving you, which is our next one is non stealing. But I kind of actually like to think about this, as when we have guilt with eating the quote unquote, bad foods or foods that we shouldn't think we shouldn't be eating or you know, too much of that food, whether it's quote unquote good or bad. But you'll learn like through the intuitive eating those labels go away and there's like, insane amount of freedom. And you start to connect to your intuitive body more, while respecting your fullness. So it's all integrated. It's not just a free for all right? These are all principles and guidelines to help you on the path to your own uniqueness your own, like what your body really needs, like the nourishment that you need, and, and it's not based on, you know, weight stigma, it's not based on what like the rules are telling you it's, it's based on like, what's going to make you feel your best day to day and that's like, that's all we can ask for. Right? We want to live in the joy and the experience of life. So like, that's kind of a golden star, right? We want to get there so. So this whole idea of truthfulness. Deborah Dell says the company Passion of non violence keeps truthfulness from being a personal weapon. So when we can be in that compassion of non violence, we're showing up with this huge spotlight of what is true in this moment. And say, guilt shows up when you eat the wrong kind of food.

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You aren't going to beat yourself down or show yourself judgment, you're gonna say something really kind and compassionate to yourself, like, Hey, I'm on a learning journey here. And, you know, I don't really want to have guilt in my life. So let's check in, let's see what my emotions it's feel the feels, and then just like, move on. Because it's a moment to moment practice. And you and the more that we can kind of build this foundation of what is here in the present moment, you'll see as these next Yamas can kind of build from this foundation. But then we're not kind of getting wrapped up in all of this mental chatter of excess and attachment and trying to feel a certain way or do all these things, the quote unquote, right way. No, not like all of that is gone. It's not even necessary. What is necessary is just being truthful with yourself in the moment, noticing your body, when you eat certain kinds of foods, noticing not on a mental level, but on a physical level on your body, connecting in a new way and seeing how you actually feel. So yeah, it's like bringing that radical honesty with a sense of compassion, and just like, almost like curiosity, and like a sense of like, wonder like, Oh, this is a whole new thing. And excitement, joy, because you're on this like path of change is really cool. Okay, number three, is a stadia, which is non stealing. So I know we talked a little bit about this one in the intro, but we can really notice how we are stealing from ourselves. And in what ways are we stealing from living in the present moment? What ways are we stealing from our enthusiasm for life for tapping into that full expansion? I love this one, because it kind of like put puts it in the context of like, oh, well, I don't want to steal like, um, I don't want to steal from myself. And so once you kind of start to notice, oh, what ways am I really actually doing harm by stealing from myself by not living in the present moment? And like I said, that those judgments or criticisms, the demands, the expectations, the perfectionism, if you kind of constrain us spotlight on some of those, like, how is that stealing from your own, you know, enthusiasm for life, like living the joy of this present moment?

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Yeah, fascinating. And I think this is a this is also a good kind of concept. When we talk about diet culture. One thing that we had talked about in the group is how diet culture has stolen from us, and like, kind of facing that reality. And, you know, like, some, everybody has kind of a different reaction, but you kind of see all this research and the studies on like, the weight loss and diet called, like, the diet mentality actually, like, does that help weight loss, like most of the people that lose weight, gain it back, and then they just have a, a worse relationship with self and food and, and can actually, like, create eating disorders and just it's a, it's a total mess, and like, you want to kind of get mad, right? Like, I've lived my life on this yo yo dieting for so many years. And it's like, you kind of want to get mad, right? You want to kind of see that it did steal from you. And to kind of see your reaction with that, but then able to move forward in a way that you're like, you know, I'm kind of done from stealing from myself, or whether it's diet mentality, or these other things that I do that is criticizing, and I'm judging myself all the time and I'm demanding myself to be perfect all the time. Like that, isn't you? Right? Those are just thoughts. Those are just concepts that we've held on to in forms of prayer. attraction. And, and we can let them go right just like beliefs, the brain that neuroplasticity were able to develop new belief systems. And I think like, that's kind of cool to see it in that light. And I also like I kind of like this whole concept of, how are we stealing from ourselves by not living in the present moment. And whether we're thinking of the future and we're trying to predict the future, or we're living in the past, we're thinking about the past, just on a moment to moment basis. Sometimes I can kind of catch myself and be like, Oh my gosh, like, I really am stealing from this present moment by being wrapped up in the future, thinking about the past. And so just in that context, I'm like, no, like, No, I didn't steal him from this moment. Oh, like, let's bring it back in, take, maybe take a few breaths or notice your body, notice the way of your seat, like resting and notice the bottom of your feet. And like that can always just like bring us back into the present moment. Which is awesome. Because Intuitive Eating is all about, you know, being present with your body, building that interoceptive awareness. And noticing, like, right here right now what's present with you. And then another thing is an intuitive eating, we talk about the food police. And so we've lived in this like diet mentality of like, these rules, like this policeman like telling you like, Nope, don't eat that or like, yep, that's good, like, eat a salad or whatever we think of good quote unquote, foods, which is totally just like it just

47:05

Anyway, okay, so um, so how is the food police stolen from you? Right, these like rules and confines we've lost our own self trust, to know what our body needs and to, you know, really ask ourselves in the moment, like what will be satisfying for me and my body. And I know how scary it is, like when just saying this out loud. I know. And I just want to be conscious of how scary it is to hear that like, feeling like you'll never get to that place of of choosing a food that actually will feel satisfying and being okay with it. And, you know, when and enjoying all kinds of foods. Like if you told me, you know, a few years ago that could happen like I tell you, you're off your rockers, but I can tell you, I can tell you from personal experience you can get there. It's like the moat. Isn't it freedom my life more than anything I've ever done. So this is a beautiful quote from Deborah doll. All the ways we put up fences, whether real or imagined, around our physical belongings, or around our mental idealisms. We put up barriers that steal from the full expansion of our own lives. I love that quote. It's so good. Okay, I'm gonna leave it there, because I feel like that's beautiful quote. Okay, number 4/4. Yama is Brahmacharya, which is non excess. And this is a great one. This was so funny. The week that I read this one, I had just gotten off a weekend of like, total excess, which I talked about in my last solo episode about, oh, gosh, it's funny, you should listen to it. But yeah, so it was like a perfect moment of me, they'll kind of look at in the ways that I've been living in excess and what that does to the body. But I want to start this one with a story about our intuitive eating group and what I went through that week. So in a different week, so the weekend was access. And now I'm talking about story of the intuitive eating group and the week that we went through the principle of feel your fullness. Okay, so for this week, I noticed when I was hungry, right, that was honoring your hunger. And then And then I'd eat the food. And I noticed when I hit that point of fullness, and in the in the intuitive eating book, there's a hunger and fullness scale that you can just kind of use as a roadmap. And I'll put a link to that. I think I'm sure I can find I'll put a link to that in the show notes as well. So you can kind of see what that is but kind of living in the middle of this scale. So noticing when I'm my body's starting to become full, but I haven't kind of crossed over that line into fullness, like into kinda like, Yeah, whatever that feels like in your body. For me, it's kind of like a distended stomach, like a little uncomfortable. You know, I couldn't like, I don't know if this is grow, but like start, you know, burping or hiccuping.

50:34

But yeah, you'll you'll kind of start to notice, like, if you listen to your own body, it's all everybody's body is different. And so I was noticing my fullness. And they also noticed that week when I went over my fullness, and so since having this foundation of compassion, like there's no guilt here, it's just learning. Like, I'm just like, oh, I want to prove my fullness, like, let's see what's here. And, and so what I really noticed is when that point you kind of cross over into excess. It's really interesting to notice how you get like this diminishing return rate like are the joy really starts to decline. So you think about like, drinking like this, like drinking margaritas or something, which like was during my my excess weekend, but drinking a margarita and so you're like drink 123 And you're like, want the fourth one to taste just as good. And let's put the alcohol like aside, even though this probably isn't the best example but like say your ad and Brownie, okay, we'll come to the brownie. So you're eating brownie three, well, but and then once you eat the fourth one, like it doesn't taste as good, right? And you're full, you've kind of hit this point of excess and the joy that you wanted to experience in that fourth brownie like, just isn't there. And you just start to like notice this and you do it over and over and over again. And you don't stop because of guilt. It's not normally we're like, oh my gosh, I shouldn't eat that much. And the guilt kind of overrides the sense of curiosity of actually how it feels in the body. And there's a quote from Deborah Dell, which I love, which will correlate right into this example overindulgence snuffs out the life force like too many logs on a fire overpowers the fire, practicing non excess, preserves and honors this life force within us so that we can live with clarity and sacredness. I love that. So, okay, so this life force within us once we've hit that point of excess, like we're diminishing this beautiful life force, this beautiful like sacredness in the in the wonder and awe of each moment and living in the joy of the moment, rather than being in the indulgence, right, it's taking the indulgence and the excess is taking away from that. And as we start to notice this over and over again, you kind of just like, get tired, or like kind of fed up with like, I don't really want to, you know, have that fourth brownie because I just know how it feels and, and so we start to kind of realize the excess doesn't quite own us like it used to, it stops becoming so desirable. And this is like such a great example of intuitive eating is like you like that example. You can be like, Oh, I get that I can trust that. Like it's all these little things, you start to really trust yourself and trust your body's intuitive signals. And they've been overridden by so much like by the rules by the good and bad labels by the guilt and the judgments. Like and the weight stigma that like you can't see clearly how intuitive eating actually like will bring you to that place of peace and acceptance and love for your body and, and actually feel like you're in control. Not by like a tight grip, but like controlled by your intuitive signals. Right? So it's just like, it's almost like you can't see it clearly because we're so wrapped up in all the other BS that like the trust and the belief isn't there yet, but hopefully you can, you'll start you'll start getting a belief as we go through these.

54:49

Okay, so number five is non possessiveness. Okay, so, non possessiveness I've really notice this in my own life, and how I'm constantly chasing a feeling like we're all chasing a feeling right? But I'm, I've been chasing this almost like nostalgia with things like random things like, going to get a cup of coffee, like I still love going to get a cup of coffee. But I noticed that like I was expecting it to just like, be like that one time where I got the coffee and it was warm. And I felt like I was like treating myself with this, like, magnificent special gift. And like the moment felt so good, feels so good. You guys must think my life's like, boring. But like, I would hold on to that feeling good sensation, I would attach to that experience. So that the next time I went to get a cup of coffee, like I would be wanting that same experience, I'd want it to happen over and over and over again. Whether or not the present moment in truth is actually good. Right? I was imposing this, like certain belief. And this is one of my favorite quotes from Deborah Adele, is our attachments make us boring? That was like, Oh my gosh, like that is so true. It just like was a total slap in the face. Because it wasn't just coffee, I was doing this with like multiple things. And you kind of realize this, like possessiveness, this attachment, on wanting certain experiences to, you know, be a certain way or like, keep doing that same experience, because you want that same feel good. But it's just making your life frickin boring. And you're just doing the same thing over and over again. And she also talks about how it cuts off the like, freedom and expansion of like, what's going to happen next in life, right? Like, what, like, What's life gonna bring us in this moment. But we've like cluttered our minds with this, like idealism, and chasing this, like these things, that these attachments that it's really just like this cluttering of our expansion of tapping into that full expansion. And this also like, directly relates to that truthfulness, right. What is actually true in this moment, am I like imposing this, like, feel good belief, or like, what is here? Now? Maybe that coffee doesn't frickin taste so good today, right? Like, maybe I didn't need that 20 ounce, like, what I, you know, is a horrible example. Not horrible. Give myself a little credit, but like, it can be in bigger things, right? And it can certainly be with food. And so I think bringing in this, like, non possessiveness, how can we be with the moment, just in pure delight of the moment? Like, that's kind of cool. Like right now. Like, sometimes I'm like, oh, man, I gotta go. Like, do the podcast and record stuff. But, you know, feels like oh, like, right now. Like, I'm in the pure delight of this moment. Like, I couldn't be anywhere else. Right. And so my predicting mind like sometimes it's just totally off like, I can't trust it. It's just the freakin monkey mind. not reliable. And so I think, yeah, like, kind of thinking about, like, letting some of our attachments go.

58:48

And also knowing like, you have your own authority around food, like, you don't have to let any attachments go, like, I'm not gonna give up coffee. And I also feel like no one's can tell you, like, if somebody's telling you not to do something like you're gonna hold on to that thing even more like just a scientific proof like this is really intuitive eating book because it's like mind boggling to see like, once we start restricting a certain thing or certain food or somebody's telling you you shouldn't like our attention to really want that one thing is like heightened by like 99% So it's fascinating. So don't tell yourself you can't can't have a certain food. But it's like really interesting what you start to observe the possessiveness around food in other people, like notice that to start, like, notice how people make like certain foods really special and, like really attach on to them or, or like possessive like, this is my bag of popcorn like you can't have that or my bag of chips. It seems like they have certain foods that like they can have, but aren't sharing. Like, they're holding on to that. And that saying like, This is bad. Like, this is just our like wounds of beliefs like just showing up in real life. And so it's like kind of just this like curiosity of like, oh, do I actually want that like does that and why like why am I protecting myself around that, you'll start to recognize this you'll see it and other people, you might start to see it like in your own life like I have. And you really start to see how freakin boring it is. So you'll see I'm usually like, okay, like, I really don't need my life to be any more boring. And you'll, you'll start to just like, see how it's blocking off. Like how much expansion in space you can have in your life for just the unpredictability of like, what's the next thing that might pop up in life? And you're just like, yeah, not possessive and non attached on to it. Okay, you guys, that was like, so fun. I really enjoy going through each of them. I know we kind of like just like browse through them. But if you are kind of curious about diving into these topics more, I definitely recommend, you know, grabbing one of these books. If you have any questions, comments. If you want more, you know, resources, please email me. And I'm actually going to next go into the q&a for this episode from our newsletter. So the peeps on our newsletter, that's where our community is at. And we'll be doing more of these. So I'll send out Q and A's if there's a question on the specific topic, you could get featured on the podcast. And it also helps other people if you have a question, I can help respond. And then I'm sure other people have a similar question they can relate to and it just really uplifts all of us. Okay, so the first question comes from Becky. And she says, I know I shouldn't eat dairy, but it's so yummy. I wish I like I also want to do kind of like bring people on the podcast. So we can actually have an interactive conversation. But this is great, because this is a great starting place. So okay, so Becky, this is. So this is what she said. So I know I shouldn't eat dairy, but it's so yummy. Okay, so this is my response.

1:02:35

I think a lot of the time, we have grabbed on to these concepts of shoulds and need to, from the diet mentality, right? And, and not blaming yourself, but like, we all do this, because this is just like a standard of what we've learned and these kind of like rules that have been inflicted on us until we're willing to like actually look at them clearly and be like, Oh, I don't have to live by like these shoulds and need TOS that society has imposed on me. So I think that like this whole concept of like, I shouldn't eat dairy, or I should do this, whether it's like, I'm not sure if you have a dietary restriction, or if like, I mean, obviously, you think it's yummy, so probably eating it, maybe it makes your body feel a little uncomfortable. But I think like first and foremost, and this is like with the intuitive eating principle is like give yourself frickin permission to eat all the frickin dairy in your house, however much you want. And, and feel like you have control, like feel like you have choice over this because nobody should tell you whether or not to eat dairy. Like if I went into the doctor's office, they told me not to eat dairy, I would be leaving there with both middle fingers up and being like, no, like, you can't tell me what to do. Right? And that's just like, a natural reaction. Like, that's the little rebel in us. What I talked about before, it's like there's scientific studies that show like, when we're told no, we're all gonna be like, way more we want it right. And that goes with like, any kind of restriction on any food. So first and foremost, giving yourself the permission. And at the same time, really respecting your fullness. So that correlates hand in hand with like, Eat as much dairy as you want. But have that interoceptive and I don't want to say but but so give yourself permission and notice your fullness. Just notice when you get full and then you can stop eating and you naturally will because your body doesn't want to get to a point where you feel like like you're gonna die. Right and just see how you feel. Feel, right, like eat the dairy, see how you feel, I think once we get out of our heads when eating, and start to build that body connection, really like note not notice mentally how you feel. But notice how your body actually fields feels. And then you'll start to build that your own self trust, then you'll be making your own decisions based on like, not what somebody else is telling you, you should or what you've perceived as what you should be doing. But instead, you're making decisions based on how you want to feel, right. And if you decide to eat the dairy, you'll know how you're gonna feel like you might not feel your best, but that also might be okay with you. Right? So it's building up that self trust with your relationship to food. Okay, awesome. So Jordan has the next one and says, as someone who's usually slim, I'm sorry, as someone who's been usually slim and a somewhat healthier either exerciser, I felt like I lost control over my weight. When I turned 40. It hit my self esteem, losing weight became very hard. And since it's been a journey, okay, Jordan, this is what I would, this is what I'm going to respond with. So I think that first and foremost, we all kind of have to understand the impermanence of the body. And it just will naturally be changing, right like, and finding a new like, almost like evolving model of acceptance. I think that this like whole idea of control is really like control is really an external, right, it's a, it's an external way of looking at ourselves. But in reality,

1:07:16

finding a healthy relationship with our body, and food is actually an internal job. And I think the Yamahas could be a really great place to start to start building your own foundation of boundaries of this internal healing. And it's just so freakin easy to look at the body and just automatically go for the external, right, like, we all do it because the body is a physical thing. So it just makes sense that we would start looking towards external things to start making us, you know, feel better, or lose weight, or whatever it is. But it actually is like really all of this internal healing that we start to first, like find that new model of acceptance, we start to build a new relationship with where our body is, presently, I think MBSR the way that they do a body scan meditation, you like really find this whole new way of seeing your body differently and actually feeling it for where it is in the present rate. So especially if your way is fluctuating or changing because of age, I think this can be like a really, really powerful meditation for you, Jordan is a body scan, and you start to like, notice, oh, like this is where I'm at. And also what's coming up is this like non attachment, this non possessiveness of the Yamas to the past to how you felt in the past how your body was in the past, and just being curious and maybe asking yourself How are you stealing from yourself now in the present by looking at the past, right and maybe blocking your ability to enjoy your body now. And then finally, the last thing I want to say is weight stigma in our culture is still very, very much a thing. Whenever somebody's like, arriving at a conversation and insane weight loss, I never want to make anybody feel like they don't have a decision and in the way in their body. But I think like we all have some learning and healing to do when it comes to like really actually seeing the weight of our body and and almost building like a healthier internal image like and actually seeing like with that bodies. can like see where you are now. And, and like the point of it all is to find the joy and the experience of life, right. And if you have a body that you're able to find that joy and experience of life, like maybe or your view of your weight is actually, you know, maybe that's coming from a different source, maybe it's not even you maybe it's those some of those cultural standards, those weight stigmas. So it like, I would say that there's definitely like, that's a struggle, right? Like, I hear my parents talk about getting older, and like dealing with that, and, you know, I can't like, I want to help them. I know that we can all change our perspective on the impermanence of the body and change and how we're always going to be changing and things like holding on to the past, like, what we may be used to come easily, or how we used to feel like, it's just so easy to latch on to that feel good. Like you want to get there. You want to be back in that place. But like, unfortunately, like or fortunately, we all we get to change and grow. Like fortunately, we all get to change and grow and experience. Like whoa, like there's just so much always evolving in life and, and with the body. And it's just like learning and growing and being on this journey of joy. Like that's, you know, bringing in that kind of sense of curiosity. So I think like the Yamahas could be a great place to like, find some more healing and then that body scan and really being in the present and just like being like, you know, oh, like, what is here now? And how can I find maybe more acceptance and connection with my body? Okay, you guys, thanks so much for listening. Again, get on the newsletter, if you want to post your question.

1:12:09

I'm gonna end with this quote. Again, Deborah doe, just masterful. There's love all these quotes. So this is what she says about the Yamas. The Yamas pull us back from needing so much that is external and point us towards the unique expression of our own life. And it's just so beautifully put, I feel like I was I was, I was indirectly saying that in the intro. But it's like hobbies, like intuitive eating the yamas and niyamas. Like they are these philosophies that point us towards the unique expression of your own life. Like these are the tools we really want to hold on to like these are the ones that are just gonna uplift and empower us more. It's so exciting. Thank you for listening. You guys. Get on a newsletter DM me if you have any comments on this episode. I always love to hear from you when we're sending so much love to you and your body. I will see you all next week.