23. Prioritize Your Body, Self and Energy / Bailey Evans

Written By Katie Kay
 


Bailey Evans, mater yoga instructor, owner and founder of Ekam Yoga, shares how to prioritize your body, self and energy. She doesn't shy away from diving in the deep end on wellness topics. We talk about prioritizing self-care, meditation, therapy, yoga, energy, boundaries and balancing mind-body-spirit. Bailey offers so many new perspectives on how to approach your wellness in an authentic and truthful way. She also shares her story of her full thoracic spinal fusion and how movement & yoga helped with her recover.

"Stop doing what is draining you. And don't apologize for it. Because no one else is here to take care of you....I have to know what I need, when I need it and how to communicate it. Nobody can read my mind. And so to me, that's how you manage your own energy. And it's so it's critical."

Bailey 

So the path to yoga started when I was in high school because I had a back surgery. So I have a fully fused thoracic spine. So that means my middle toe vertebrae have 13 inch rods on either side. I have 18 screws and four bars across my spine. I don't know it's not. It sounds like a lot.

 

Katie Kay 

Can you go just a little bit closer to the mic? Okay, cool.

 

Bailey 

So it sounds like a lot, but it's actually I mean, it's what got me into yoga. So it's for the best I before I had my surgery, I'd asked the surgeon What am I supposed to do to prepare for this? Like, this is Matt, I'd had knee surgery, but this is a massive heat, like you're in the hospital for seven days. You can't sit for more than seven minutes for like three months. I mean, it's a big thing. And he said, do a bunch of yoga, get a really strong core, do a bunch of yoga, and you'll be better on the other end and then after back surgery, they didn't warn me about this until my year follow up. So I just kept doing yoga once it felt okay, which is about eight months after surgery because you're pretty much like hemmed up for those eight months. And then I got back into yoga and realize it kept me pretty pain free relatively. And so when I went back for my year checkup, I was already at the University of Montana and flown back to Atlanta where type of surgery and they'd asked how was I doing? What was I doing to take care of myself? I was like, Well, I started lifting avange and I do yoga, and he's like, Oh, good, that's awesome, because realistically could either be really strong or we would basically have to medicate you to manage your pain. And it was like this horrifying moment where the surgeon prepared me really well by saying you need to go to yoga, but didn't prepare me very well for like, that's a huge responsibility, you should have warned me at 18 I'm gonna have to spend the rest of my life making sure that I'm strong and fit and lean into it, like really prioritizing my body. And so that it just was wild to me of how would you have not warned, essentially a child that this is a huge lifelong responsibility. So that I mean, that's really what got me into it, I kind of found it twice, once was, you know, how most people get on the mat, which is to manage physical distress, or we talked about a lot in yoga dis ease, because that's, you know, I know that we apply disease to a much broader spectrum, and we talked about is dis ease. And so most students get on their mat, because they have some type of physical discomfort they want us to help with and then a lot of students, the shift between clients and students is the ones clients are the ones who are there for their body, students, the ones who are there for their body, and then it bleeds into the rest of their life and bleeds into their mental health and their spiritual health and their emotional health. And so I kind of talked about that. I discovered it twice once for my body, and then once for all the other really good stuff, the stuff that like makes you stay.

 

Katie Kay 

Yeah. The mental and the spiritual. And oh, yeah, yeah. So interesting. How, like your, how you talked about, it's like medicine, medication, or living life where you're taking care of your body. Totally. Yeah. Interesting and shocking.

 

Bailey 

yeah, I think I don't want to say this. I think a lot of people could potentially look at myself or other people who very who spend a lot of time on their bodies and be like, that's really self centered, or that's coming from a place of vanity, when to me, this is the only vessel I get. So prioritizing my relationship with my body with movement with my own wellness, how could that not be a priority? Like, to me, it's all one thing, like, you go to the doctor, when something hurts you, you know, should be going to a therapist when something hurts in your brain. And you should be putting your own wellness at the top of your list. But I also understand that you get some blowback of like, you know, when I go on girls trips with my friends, the running joke is I need two hours before everybody wakes up because I have to exercise for the rest of the day starts. And it took us a while to navigate. Like, I don't need them to wake up with me Go with me to do it. But I have to, and kind of grappling with that pushback of you know, maybe this is triggering for somebody else who has a tough relationship with their body or, or whatever it is. And me still saying no, this is important. It has to get done. You will be better served after my attitude and my brain has been fixed by me exercising. So it's it's walking that fine line of this is a priority to me. It doesn't need to be a priority to you, but I need you to respect it. It is. So it's a weird, it's a weird thing.

 

Katie Kay 

I'm glad you just like diving right into it.

 

Bailey 

Oh my gosh, that's how I live. I'm like getting into deep waters with me.

 

Katie Kay 

Getting into this deep topic. Yeah. I felt the same way like self care was attached to guilt.

 

Bailey 

Totally. What is that? Why? Where did that start? Who started that?

 

Katie Kay 

Yeah, it's like almost like, shame for asking for my own needs. Totally think it's not even like, Okay, I need to exercise. And this is like, a thing like for my body. It's like, this is for me and my self care. And I think that's where it crosses a line between like, I'm asking for something that is maybe not necessary, right? To outer people to right, caring what other people think. Right?

 

Bailey 

I mean, think about when we came in here before we started and I prefaced I, you know, the reason I needed to move this, to some extent was because I needed to go fishing and be out of cell service, because I was I had no bandwidth. But I immediately apologize like this worked out totally fine. But I preface that with, you know, I'm really sorry, I needed I took time, I didn't have to go do this one. It's like, No, you need any time out. We're both gonna have a better conversation because I took a timeout yesterday. But there's still kind of that weird gut instinct of I need to apologize to you for the fact that I needed time to myself, who my parents said, I have wonderful parents. My parents did not teach me to apologize for like getting my needs met. So I don't know where that started. And then why not necessarily like why how do we change it for others? Yeah, I've got enough, you know, I'm like, Brimstone fire. I've enough of that to like, No, this is important to me. But a lot of people don't. It's really hard to advocate for yourself, especially when it kind of veers into that thing of I like reading a bunch me taking an hour to read. Oh my gosh, it's like my favorite. I feel weird justifying that to others, because there's no productivity around that right. I'm not working. I'm not hustling. I'm not working out I'm not improving anything, I'm just sitting quietly. And so I think it's, it's important to me, to some extent want to normalize and kind of be a cheerleader for go take care of yourself. Don't apologize for it. Everyone around you will be better served. If you're taking care of yourself.

 

Katie Kay 

Yeah, 100%. And I think you make a good point about productivity aspect is like, that's human nature is we're always trying to be in this like, very productive, successful, go, go, go doo doo doo. And it's not until you personally prioritize the Yin are the relaxation and self care and understanding like there's a balance between the two, that looks different for everybody. All right, different percentages of both. But yeah, I feel the same way. It's like, I feel a little uncomfortable, just doing nothing. And sometimes I just have to allow myself to do like, sit on my couch, read a book or like literally do nothing, right. And it's so hard. So hard. Yeah. And so and so I know, a lot of my friends have a really hard time building a meditation practice. And myself included, honestly, it's like, it's hard to, I don't know, like, you know, it's good for you. But then it's like crossing that bridge between you know, what's right, and then allowing yourself to be with yourself and allow yourself to really prioritize that self care.

 

Bailey 

I think that that's super hard. And especially when it comes to meditation, people get really dogmatic about it, if I have to meditate, it has to be the postulate, it has to be for 20 minutes. Okay, so I guess not just between you and I, but between you and I, I meditate for like six minutes, it's such a little amount of time. And I still, so I practice a couple of different meditation styles. But the one that's the most accessible for me is the, it's just a non attachment. So a lot of times my eyes are open, I'm not trying to hit this, you know, blank state, you know, that kind of thing. I'm just sitting for a second, and I'm breathing, and I'm feeling the sensations in my body without any attachment to what's going on. So it's really just as your thoughts arise, let them pass you by don't invite them in for tea, it's a really simple meditation takes no time at all, it's literally six minutes, half the time I'm sitting in my bed, I'm not. And so I think people create this huge, there has to be the structure and and I have to be like white linen, and there has to be incense burning. And I have to be in full lotus, like most people can't even get into Padmasana their hips, the anatomy of their hips doesn't allow it. So just knock it off. You want to lay in your bed, and just quietly breathe pool. That's perfect. And so I think we just need to kind of, like take the top off of the pressure cooker. Yeah, just relax into it. Because it is it's so hard. And it took me years to learn how to meditate. And realistically, I luckily had a really good teacher at one point, because I was really I was like 20. And I was in a class of, you know, a bunch of older people who've done this for a long time. And I'm just like, you know, shaking my leg and like flipping my pin, and I can sit still. And also my I can't sit for meditation. And one of the women in my class is like, why don't you run? I said, Yeah, and she was like, Don't do you run pretty long distances, kind of. And she said, Do you ever hit that point in your run? where everything goes quiet? It's like, yeah, totally. That's like, why we run and she said that, that's all it is. That's meditation. And it immediately was like, Oh, I can meditate and run. I don't have to. I don't sit well. I don't have to sit for this. And so I think I think sometimes we need someone to give us permission to do what we know intuitively we need that that knowing body that intuitive knowing we are so good at ignoring like I hear you I see you that seems important but nah, yeah.

 

Katie Kay 

Oh, I love that perspective. And yeah, just having somebody there to offer a new perspective on on it is does it's like almost opens up that permission for yourself. And it's something clicks and you're like, totally running is meditative for me. Yeah. Not everyone. Not everyone. Yeah, great. Late for me. Not so much. For Yes, ma'am. Yeah. And, you know, you sound so similar to my husband and Sterling and he, he has a really hard time just like same energy as you like high energy, you know, flicking like we're watching TV and he's messing around with the remotely like, all of our remotes are broken because he just fidgety and he comes in supports me and comes to my gentle yoga, but even just a gentle yoga for him is really, really hard. He'll watch the clock the whole time. Totally. And so like bringing that a new awareness like I love how you're talking about an activity for him. Totally. He's talked about mountain biking as being this meditative state for him. So you It's, I wonder if like having that permission to think of it in that way. It might allow him to lean in to lean into it. Totally.

 

Bailey 

Yeah, funny that as adults, like relatively successful adults, I still sometimes need someone else. Like, no, no, this is fine. Do that. Yeah, it's good.

 

Katie Kay 

Yeah. And it's almost like, well, I didn't think of it like that rigor. Isn't that funny. It's like, we all want to be in our unapologetic like, confidence. Badass state. I was thinking about this this morning. I was like, I just want to feel like so much clarity and like, go in with the podcast full full force, but honestly, it's like, so like, it's so hard to be like that, like, I'm unsure.

 

Bailey 

Yeah, 90% of the time doing it, which is the key that's like, to me, that's the key. Yeah, if you wait until everything feels good, literally, nothing is gonna get done. Like, at all. Yeah. And to me, it's just like, look, go on with confidence. If you fail, you're gonna fail with flair. Just go forward. What's the worst thing that happened?

 

Katie Kay 

the journey, like allowing yourself to be in it wherever you're at. Because wherever you're at, if you're struggling, if you feel that unsure, if you like, want to be empowered, but you're not, like, that's exactly where you're supposed to be.

 

Bailey 

totally. So just sitting there. I'm like saying this all calm, we I spent years in therapy, so that I could literally just have that offhand. Like, just sit there, you'll be fine. I, you know, it was the full machine, no feelings, get things done total, you know, just machine like, and then basically windows. And I don't have feeling I don't know how to name a feeling. You can't function like this. I mean, it's functioning very well into the outside world. And so I so I can say this really flippantly, but I want people who are listening to understand I did a ton of work surrounding how to have feelings, how to be vulnerable, how to sit in the discomfort, because I think when you are ambitious and hungry, you can cover up a lot of shortcomings by being externally impressive. But then that jacks up your internal validators because you're constantly striving and getting really positive external feedback. But then when you're like you're saying, when you're sitting on a couch by yourself, how does that feel? How does that look? What does that conversation look like? Can you sit with yourself? So I do want to be really clear, I don't want it to be like, I was just born like this totally woke feeling vulnerable, like PERT? No, I was the opposite.

 

Katie Kay 

your journey so powerful as far as your injury and then becoming a master yoga instructor. And I'm so glad you brought up the therapy too, because I've gone through so much therapy. Yeah. And, like, it's a journey. And yes, it evolves on itself. And obviously, we're all going through certain things but having that support and that can be like such a light and also help you grow and know Asha, like you're talking about like, just understanding your own feelings like it's one step or like a half step like you keep moving to bring more alignment in to yourself and your body into your life.

So very powerful. Can we go back to your so your injury your and it was a thoracic spine? thoracic spinal fusion? Yeah. Unbelievable. So can you tell us about that journey and kind of like the highs and lows and how that injury started and what that recovery was like?

Bailey 

so I ran track and swam when I was younger, and did some other sports, but those are kind of it for me. And so every year they check for scoliosis, the school that I just seen, they do in most schools, but this one I went to, they checked for scoliosis before you do sports. When I was like 12, they found that I had a little bit of scoliosis, and they monitored me and then when I was 16, and a half they looked at and they're like, this looks a lot worse when we checked last year, so it's checking it in six months. So check it again in six months. They're like, this seems like it's progressing. Check again in six months and they're like, and we're past the point where there's any intervention other than surgery. I then go to the doctor more like this was a long time ago and like your parents are still taking care of you sir. Not just engine. But so I go to the doctor, they do X rays and I had a 49 degree curve in my lung or sorry, in my lower thoracic. So they normally operate at like 26 So within a six month span I had gone from what would have been probably a brace I would assume I'm not positive to full on surgery. And what they talked about it cause that I was a sprinter and a hurdler And that in doing today's a port pops mom for getting hit like five sent me to practice in the morning. So we would you know, before school and after school of hurdling and sprinting. I mean, it's just a lot of impact. And so that's what worsened it so quickly, was it my body didn't have any brakes. I mean, realistically, I don't remember doing anything like core work or lifting we just ran. And so it's not like my body was functioning holistically. Not that I mean, it's genetic. It's not like I think that are hereditary. Rather, it's not that I think that I could have, you know, worked my way out of it, but a progress pretty quickly. And then my senior year of high school, I took my finals right before Christmas, it took them two weeks early, so that I could have like a month off of school. So I had my surgery. You know, a couple was called a couple weeks before Christmas, my senior year and then spent a month out of school. Seven days in the hospital, like morphine drip every five minutes. I mean, like really jacked up. And then once I went back to school, I was like, the best possible senior year Caitlin. Sorry, mom can't believe Mrs. And podcast. And it was like on drugs the second semester, my senior year, because like, I'm already in college, you know, like everything set, we're done on to really challenging school. And they were, they couldn't have been more phenomenal if I'd come to class. And then basically, as soon as I was in pain to go home, like I took most of my tests from home, my second semester of senior year, they did a phenomenal job in terms of support. And then I have great parents. They're still married. They're like, really precious and cute, but I had to sleep. My room was upstairs. So I just sleep in my parents for like, I think months. My dad was sleeping upstairs all time. Yeah, I mean, it was a slow recovery out of the hospital. I think I'd been out of the hospital for like three or four days, and I woke it up. I was like, Mom, I gotta take shower. Like, cuz you haven't had a shower? I don't know, 10 days. And it was when my cousin was living with us at the time. And Cameron was at school. And mom was like, does it can we wait till camera get home? I was like, No, like I'm discussing. We're like we have to this right now. I haven't stood up in 10 days other than to get from the hospital bed to the car back to my parents bed have not stood up basically other than like, walk to the bathroom. So I really should have thought that through. So I'm like trying to walk to the bathroom. My mom is behind me. We're walking towards her shower. And I and I distinctly remember my mom and the world just kind of blacked and I I mean, blacked out, passed out dropped to the ground. I woke up. My mom was a really calm lady that doesn't freak out in bad situations. I wake up and my mom is like literally screaming over me. Her kids just massive back surgery, and then just fully like dropped to the ground blacked out. I mean, it was it was pretty brutal. Other than that, it's like a pretty, I feel so bad. I gave her such a bad scare. It was I was fine. Everything was fine. But other than that the recovery was just slow. I just was in bed, I watched a ton of the West Wing and million dollar wedding. Super weird mix of things. Like kind of only like low main peppermint ice cream. And because you're on so many drugs, you're not functioning, which is a guy called it should because it's a boatload of pain my ribs. So my ribs on the right side, let's call it four inches from each other on the left, and they were touching. So the actual pain wasn't my back, it was my ribs having to move back to where they should have been all along. So it's a really slow process. So thank God, they had me on a ton of drugs and better. Luckily, I have no addictive personality at all, at least not for that. And so it was really easy to come off of them afterwards. But it's just slow. That just there wasn't like super highs or super lows. It just was slow.

 

Katie Kay 

Guys, I can imagine that was just really like did you feel out of place in your body?

 

Bailey 

I mean, yeah, so I'm, I was probably like, between 15 and 20 pounds lighter than I am right now. Because after there's no movement, and so you just kind of wither away a little bit. And so there I had a body I did not know just flat out. I like I don't my ribs are moving and it's really painful. I'm like I'm having a hard time sitting up. So a lot, I still have one of my childhood best friends. He when He would hug me he would hold the back of my head because turns out sitting up when you have had a spinal fusion, you can't hold your head. So to literally drop behind you. So he still to this day, you know, 12 years later, when he hugs me he holds the back of my head because he got used to helping me sit up and you have to support it's like a baby like you have to support their head. So I mean, fully just a body that we're going thinking about going back that would I don't have my brain could do it. Thank God it happened when it did before. I was like really living in my body the way that I do now. Because it'd be such a hard transition right now. Yeah.

 

Katie Kay 

Yeah, that's interesting, too, because I thought about that too. Like 18 years old. Like I already had a weird relationship with my body. I felt a little like detached from it dissociated. Yeah. And being in it. Now. It almost sounds like you'd have like you are you have a stronger relationship to your body. So it'd be harder to go through something like that.

 

Bailey 

Yeah. So in May I tore a bunch of muscles across my head and should have had surgery but I went the PRP and stem cell routes a little bit alternative. But I was on crutches for six weeks. Everyone around me I've the world's greatest humans who were all I mean, at my house constantly checking on me taking care of me doing all the things, but even being on crutches, I, that was a practice of mental fortitude. That was not because moving was difficult. I basically was supposed to, like, lay as much as possible for a while. And yeah, so I kind of recently, not nearly to the same extent, but recently went through this. And as someone who relies probably too heavily on movement as mental health, that was a lot read a lot, though. So that was nice. I basically moved from like, from the bed to the back porch, couch and read and then into the living room and read, like just kind of move around and try to settle it was a lot of sitting with myself.

 

Katie Kay 

How do you feel like that change your routine with movement or your perspective on your own wellness

 

Bailey 

I'm still a little bit hemmed up, I can't. So I basically skipped all running season and a girlfriend and I were trying to do the beaten path, which I think don't hold me to this, but I think it's like a 50k trail run. And so she never training for that at the time, I was doing jujitsu a couple nights a week, practicing yoga, lifting a bunch, I mean, really going way too hard in the paint, probably. But exactly in my happy place. If I'm a little bit like exhausted and sore, that is my brain at the absolute to me at the absolute best. And so still being kind of hemmed up is challenging, because I also have the grace of everything I like doing doesn't have a phone. And turns out when you're sitting in your house, want to lean way more into that admin side of the business because I had time, which was great, it gave me the opportunity to look and figure out where I want to grow. So that's, that's a gift, which I wouldn't have done if I had you know, full use. But at the same time, I also started to recognize me being on my phone as not as much as I was is not ideal, because I never realized how frequently I'm out of service or doing something that you can't have a phone for. Like if I'm practicing on my phone, if I'm at jujitsu, I don't have my phone, I'm lifting my phone is I have you know, Bluetooth headphones in my phone is nearby. But I try as best I can not to be on it. And so going from a life without consciously realizing of me not being on my phone, probably. I would I would say it was not on my phone for like six hours a day. And my phone's always on Do Not Disturb, which annoys everyone around me. But it's what I need. So, you know, eff off. This is what we're doing. And goings shifting from that of being kind of unreachable, responsible, but unreachable to being just on all the time? Not great. So it was almost more having to navigate. How do I manage being attached to my phone and being able, like people having access to me that I didn't realize was taken care of just by by my lifestyle? Just a weird thing to think about, because we all have our phones in our back pockets all the time. But I just might didn't have service a lot of time. Yeah, just how I like it.

 

Katie Kay 

Yeah, it's like it's almost like you traded that time for, for being on your phone. Because you couldn't do your movement. Totally. And so it's like we're swapping the activities and the control and taking one thing and the other. The control. Yeah. And that's something like I am interested about is having an injury at 18 years old. Did you feel like you were kind of in this, like protection? Control? Sometimes I feel like when I'm controlling things, it's really out of fear and protection. And so I have a back injury. And so I find myself a lot of the time with my practice to be in that protection mode. And so, like, how did that translate for you? And maybe you can't relate to it? And that's totally fine as well. But like, do you feel like with injury and the at that age 18 to moving to where you are now like has that become some type of perfect protection in your body and what you do?

 

Bailey 

So, yes, and no. Like I said, I prioritize my body because if I'm not truthfully, like very fit and strong, I'm in pain, and there just isn't a middle ground. And so I've got a lot of practice at it at this point. This is how it's been for as long as I can remember I don't really remember what my body felt like prior to surgery. I would say I'm maybe go the opposite and go too hard, most of the time, but realistically, that's the same side of control. Because I and I talk about this a lot of you know, bad things happen and suffering is inevitable but the suffering that you create in movement particularly in running I have control over that I have full perfect control over putting one foot in front of the other and my brain saying this hurts we need to stop and then me overriding that then you're fine, just keep going. And so I you know a few Look at that, from a therapeutic perspective, that's, I mean, that is control issues to a tee. Mine just went the other direction where I'm less so because a lot of people with injury, both should and are conservative with their movement. I don't consider my back at this point an injury is just what it is and requires effort and you know, some attainment of fitness, and that's fine. But then the control stuff, especially in terms of body that happened later, you know, like, bad stuff happens and some bad stuff happened and was really challenging to move through, which was and I also found yoga for the second time, found running a lot for a while. And definitely, that wasn't always the healthiest relationship it is now and which is why I can comfortably talk about it and say, like, yeah, I was training for 50k and that not have gotten into a space where it's like, I'm training for 50k. Because I need to be, you know, whatever, it is perfect. considered a serious athlete. You know, I'm assuming whatever reason people do dumb shit for. And there's a lot of valid reasons. I'm not saying that they're not. But I don't I don't have that anymore. But it required a lot of really looking at, okay, well, why are you doing the movements you're doing? And how much time are you spending? What are you sacrificing to get to this and kind of getting to the why of the pattern of it. And that because to me, once you figure out the why of whatever's going on, you're good, you're in the clear, because then you can recognize it coming, you can figure out if you need to mitigate what's about to come, and then move forward. But there so the control was less to do with my back and more to do a bad thing happened that was out of my control. For the love of all things holy, give me some control back, give me some autonomy back. And so it took me a long time. I now manage it really well. I'm pretty organized and clean a lot. But it took a lot of therapy to shift from being have a hard time saying this but potentially self destructive, because I have control over my own body to then being externally fine. Like I you know, I clean a lot. My house is very tidy, irritatingly so probably for anyone who lives with me, which is fine. But to me that's productive. It's productive, that my kitchen is clean, you can offer new surfaces, it's not productive for me to have, you know, that sense of something's out of my control or something feels uncomfortable, I'm gonna go run 20 miles until I've regained some semblance of control which PS is a complete illusion, I don't have control over a lot of things. Like you said at the beginning, right, we're just gonna lean into the fact that I might be a little echoey. Sometimes I can't lean in. And so instead, I literally outrun my problems. And so just took a long time to come back to figuring out how to have a healthy relationship with all the things and catching myself in being really honest with myself when it's starting to skew towards this isn't ideal. Okay, well, what's going on? What do we need to look out a little bit closer so that we can continue for it to be a healthy relationship?

 

Katie Kay 

Interesting. Yeah. So I feel like for me, I sometimes I blocked myself from creating a like, kind of like a non negotiable routine, because I'm afraid of the control totally. Like, I don't want to get to a place where I'm like, obsessive, or like, needing, like attaching on that and being like, I can't go on a trip because I can't like I don't have my things and I can't do this and right, like sucking the enjoyment out of life basically told him so I kind of sometimes feel like I'm in this like, in between, like spacey place, but it also doesn't feel very like grounded right in my like an empower in my own empowerment. So it's interesting to hear your perspective on it. Because you said your why and your why is it to stay healthy and fit so that you can like around your back?

 

Bailey 

my back and mental health to me. And this isn't true for everyone that said, I want people to think I think this is like a blanket fix. But for me, my mental health is moving. I mean, I go I go to therapy every Wednesday at 315 Like this is a non negotiable. Everyone who knows me knows that, you know, this is my time, it doesn't move. But on top of that movement is so critical for my mental health. I really don't. I really don't function that well, if if there isn't some type of movement, like to me movement is mental health that you should have professional mental health if you need although Truthfully, I'm a kind of a big advocate for like, I just think everyone should go to therapy. Yeah, because there's no downside to having someone who's completely unbiased. Whatever you say to them. There's no blowback in your personal life like you can confide in a girlfriend about your partner, and then they hold that against your partner subconsciously, or whatever it is. So still huge advocate, go to therapy, go to counseling, talk to you do whatever you need, but to me that is complete goes hand in hand is completely in conjunction with movement. Those they're critical. Both of them are equally as important. Yeah, yes, it's important to me.

 

Katie Kay 

Yeah, and I loved how at the beginning, we were talking, you were saying this holistic, body holistic approach. And it's like you said, spirituality and the mental and the physical? And so how, like, how do you combine all of those things? And what are some of the practices that you do outside of the movement that you incorporate in your own wellness?

 

Bailey 

Well, it's important to note that they're not like flawlessly done. You know, we're always kind of on a spectrum. And things come in waves. And sometimes, I'm skewing way too hard towards, you know, we got to get this done, we got we have, you know, a lot of ambition, a lot of hunger, let's accomplish these things. And the spiritual mental health is just like, I don't even know where it's not even in the same state as where I am, because things have to get done. And so one, I think it's really important, we're not trying to be perfect, we're not, those things are not going to be an equilibrium all the time, because they can't like sometimes I can't have the bandwidth for the mental breakdown I need to have because something just has to happen. Or let's say I need to teach, you know, it's not ever appropriate, my feelings coming into that space. As a teacher, I have to be a blank slate so that all of my students stuff can come rest on me. And it can't be a blank slate, if all my crap is walking into the room with me. And so it's not, you know, they're few and far between when everything's in equilibrium. So I think that's actually the most important of saying, like, these can't be perfect, they can't be level all the time. To me, that's step one. Like it's the same thing, take that permission, get, you know, take that pressure off, you have permission, don't be perfect, it's a complete waste of your time, you will come up short, and then all this other bad stuff is gonna happen. Just be I joke a lot about with my friends, like, I'm under the porch creature. I'm like, full grip on mode today. And just kind of allowing space for I'm not going to be a high performer. I'm not going to be perfect all the time. I can't always show up with vulnerability and kindness and compassion. I'll let you know. But I'm, but don't hold me to that standard, unless I tell you that we can. And so there's a lot of different practices. Like for me, one of the things that's the most soothing is proximity of people I love, I don't necessarily need to be like, one on one talking to someone, but if I can, like, watch my show, or read my book, and I'm close to someone beside me, I'm so happy. When I was in Missoula with one of my best girlfriends, and she was laughing We were watching a movie and I was like sitting against her. And she was like, you want to give me some space? I was like, No, I do not. Just let me be here. And she's she's like kind of a non affectionate person. She don't breaks all the rules for me, because I need all the physical affection in the world. But that kind of thing where it's like no tea. I'm like filling up my cup, because I'm sitting with my faggins here. So just let me do it. Okay, I'm not taking anything from you. Just let me be in this bubble of coziness. And so understand, like, that's a really good emotional practice for me. Not necessarily. It doesn't need to be this big thing. I just want to sit near near or close to someone that I love. That's it and letting that be the thing that fills me up. Or spiritually and emotionally, like, I love really in depth one on one conversations, like when we laughed at me being like, let's get into deep waters, that is my favorite. But like, I just want to get in there with you. I'm not going to judge you. But I want to know, like, What kind of shit wakes you up in the middle of the night that like you're so stressed out, you're panicking about and like, on the flip side, what is lighting you up with excitement? What are you amped to do? What are you super passionate about? Even if you're only gonna be passionate about 10 minutes? Like, let me I just want to know all the things. And so I think people want it to be like, I journal and I read these, you know, self improvement books. I mean, I don't want to be really clear. Don't do No, it's not my thing. Listen to a ton of like self improvement podcasts obsessed with podcasts. So a lot of that I read a lot of I mean, right now I just gave a book. What is it? It's like the impact Survival Guide, maybe just gave it to a friend. It's great. I'm not necessarily an empath, but it's really it talks a lot about how do you create boundaries and how you create space for yourself in your own emotions. So a lot of that kind of thing goes on because I do like reading. But there's I don't have this, like, perfectly packaged. You know, this is the routine I stick to. It's kind of like, okay, I woke up as a goblin. So I need to, like, I need a five minute hug. And there are other days, I'm like, Please don't touch me because I've everything hurts. And I'm really sensitive. And if you touch I'm gonna fall apart and I just don't have the time for that today. It drives my family, particularly my older sister nuts. I will literally be crying and she she's really maternal and loving and like, just so wonderful. And she just wants to hold me because she's so cute. She's like, just give me all your pain. I'll hold it for you. And I'm like, You can't touch me. And it drives her. I mean, Batty up a wall because she's just like, You're my little human is in pain. Let me let me cozy you and I'm like, no, no. So I think to me, learning all of the kind of emotional spiritual well being is actually learning your boundaries, and then communicating them and not apologizing for it, which is so oh my god, it's like the hardest thing The entire world. It's so hard.

 

Katie Kay 

It's like you added this whole new dimension to like body no, like, in the best way. Like I love I loved it. And the word that's coming to mind is energy. And so it's like, it's almost like okay, yes. Like we have our spiritually ever mentally have our movement. But I think one thing that is not talked about enough, is this like, dimension of our own energy. Oh, you're like, oh my gosh, like how much influence that has on all of the influence? Right? Oh, yeah. Everything, like a big overarching bubble that impacts all of it. Yeah, and, and so like, you're specifically saying, like, ways that you take care of your own energy and, like, understanding like your own authentic energy, and being with that in each moment, and understanding your own boundaries. And like, that is really I just like, that just kind of like sparked something inside me. Because it's like almost this like whole other part of like body.

 

Bailey 

And to me, it ties really well with, like, I had mentioned that intuitive knowing your energy is the intuitive knowing it's kind of the externalization of that intuitive knowing of like, you have that gut feeling of maybe this doesn't feel right, and then you go towards whatever that thing is, and you're low energy, and you're kind of sluggish or you're just not, you don't have the bandwidth to go into it. It's like, well, yeah, you had that gut instinct that said, Don't do this. And now you're doing it, and you all of a sudden have no energy for it. And so I think, to me, those are kind of interchangeable, but it is, I mean, it predicts everything like, and even with teaching, there are times I walk in, and I'm like I am here, we you know, I close that door, and the music turns on, and I am there's literally nothing else happening for me at all. And those are, if you want to see me my absolute best, you want to catch me in one of those classes. And I mean, like across the board, you know, personally, professionally, Katrin, one of those I'm in here with you, and it's a really cool experience. But there are also times I walk in, and I don't have, I don't have that kind of like fire around me to keep my own energy to myself. And so, you know, I'm still in there with you. And I'm really focused on you. It's actually really hard to distract despite being extremely ATD. It's really hard to distract. And I'm teaching, but it's also like, I can feel that my energy isn't great. And your and my students aren't getting 100% They're getting, you know, 80%. But and so I think that it's a really good barometer. And I think that we don't necessarily put a ton of thought or effort into because it's this ephemeral thing like we, we want the concrete, we want to know that if we journal our hearts gonna feel better. Well, maybe that stresses me out. So I'm not. And so I think that it's important to do it so personal, it's important to look at what what fills you up? What drains you, okay, no, stop doing the shit that's draining you. And don't apologize for it. Because no one else is here to take care of you. Even if you have like the world's best partner or family. You know, we're adults, it is our job to take care of ourself. Nobody's putting the oxygen mask on my face. So I have to do that for me, which means I have to know what I need when I need it and how to communicate it. Nobody can read my mind. And so to me, that's how you kind of manage your own energy. And it's so it's critical.

 

Katie Kay 

Yeah. Yeah. Do you have any recommendations on like, if somebody is just kind of getting new into that understanding and space? Like, I know, you said, like, journaling is like a Annelle for you, which is like, so it's so great. Like, I was interviewing Cassie yesterday, and I told her I'm like, I love it. When people say like, I don't do this, that most people are like, people love to do it. Yeah. And for me, like I love journaling, like, that's my that's my outlet to understand, like, what's going on? Because I feel like I need to write it down. I'm very visual. Like, I need it to be in front of my face. Like, this is like how I'm feeling. This is like what's uncomfortable? This is how I want to feel okay, bam. Like it's on paper. Yeah, but I love that. Yeah. Um, do you have any, like other recommendations as far as how you kind of tune into how you're feeling and how you like, what you desire to feel like and then how do you get into that energy?

 

Bailey 

Yeah, there's, I mean, there's a couple different ways to do it. So like we talked about, I do a lot of things out of cell service. And sometimes also music sometimes listen to podcasts. And if they don't, there's not really any rhyme or reason to it. But I just kind of create that to meet what we talk about a lot of like, I need a pause. And I'll say that a lot both like in conversation. Or I'll say I need a timeout or when I'm because a lot of times I need to dress it up in an like a more accessible or less harsh way. And so I will tell people about low bats. And then the people who love me and her in my life know that when I say I have low bats, that means I need a timeout and I need to deal with whatever it is is going on. So I have a couple of different techniques, probably man, probably the most solid, which I hate doing. So it's very much a practice of like, this is important, you just have to do it, I will text one or two friends, both of them know who they are on this podcast. And I will say make me talk to you about the thing I don't want to talk about. And even just saying that made my stomach hurt, because I hate doing it. But it's really important because I tend to, if left to my own devices, I tend to just kind of shut down I like I'll do for myself, I'll put it in, it's like pretty snap top type of wear up on the shelf in the basement of the feelings go away, I'm going back upstairs. And so I have to be really honest, and kind of almost harder on myself to say like, you are struggling with something, you have to tell someone or else I'm not going to deal with it. Because I can just kind of power through. And so to me, the trick is learning, like what you need, how and how to ask for it. Because that's hard. I mean, it's, I hate sending that text message, especially because people have shit going on. Like maybe one of those friends is dealing with their own stuff. And they don't have the bandwidth for it. And I've put it on them. And so it's hard for me to do, which is why there's only really two of them. And, and it's to me, it's just important to figure out how do you best receive support? Because that's what it is. You journaling, as you're receiving support. You're self soothing, you're doing it to yourself, but you're saying like, I am able to move through this better once every once I can see everything. That's not for me, I don't want to see all of it. That just gave me anxiety actually, like I really feel apologies if don't want to get one guy. No, no, no, no, we don't have so quickly. I mean, there are times I'll write stuff in like the notes on my phone where it's like, Hey, you're having this thought, and we can't think about it right now. So table it so you can come back to it later. But even then, like I'm tabling Tim lecture leader, mentally not like, not spread out in front. Oh, my God. I'm I mean, I have so much respect, like, good job. And so I think to me just figure out like what the practice is, I don't I don't have necessarily one key thing. I mean, like I said, I go to therapy. So a lot of times I'm like, alright, we'll sit on Wednesday.

 

Katie Kay 

Yeah, perfect example of a tool because, like, whatever that looks like for you is like surrendering to asking for help. That is showing compassion and like, shout out for yourself in such a high invaluable way. And honestly, like people want to help and then feel loved.

 

Bailey 

Oh, yes. I'm so glad you brought that up. I did not understand I had to have so many people tell me like, Hey, I feel loved when you need something from me. Because I was like, I'm an island, I can accomplish everything. I don't need help. If I'm asking for help, something has gone really wrong. And like we're already 50 steps behind where we should be. And so it took me a while to learn, like, I love when my friends or family comes to me. And they're like, I'm having a hard time or they call me and they're just immediately having a mental breakdown. I don't love that they're in pain. But I love that, like I get the honor to be the person that holds that space for them and creates that compassion that maybe they don't have for themselves. So I'm really glad you brought that up. Okay, yeah, good.

 

Katie Kay 

That's fine here. Um, um, my gosh, I feel like we could just like hit every single self care topic in the world, or whatever you can you tell us a little bit about, like getting into being a master, Yogi? Master yoga instructor? And what was that process? And like, What motivated you to really like dive into yoga?

 

Bailey 

Yeah. So like I said, there were kind of two discoveries. In the second discovery. I was dealing with some really heavy stuff. And I didn't have the tools that I have. Now, I didn't know how to communicate about it. And I certainly didn't want to put that pain and that struggle on anyone else around me that it just felt like too heavy a burden for someone else to bear, which probably made it worse for looking back with clear eyes. It probably was brutal. And I'm sorry, to everyone who loved me during that time. I wish I'd brought you in and would if I could No, but I I like I said i've really good parents. And they paid for private yoga for me with this woman named Nancy up in the Flathead where I was living at the time. And I think I saw it like three days a week. And it was just her and I was one on ones. And the only time I literally felt like I could breathe was when I was with her. And that was the really big shift, I realized that on the days that I had her things were a little bit lighter. And it wasn't so dark and scary, and twisty and hard. And so it wasn't, I wish I could be like I just you know, the fire was lit and it was all I wanted to do. It was kind of by accident. To some extent. It just was the thing that kept me from drowning. And then I kept going back. It was a thing that was completely subconscious where I it was the thing I just kept circling back to without ever realizing it because I was in college at the time. And the place I practice in Missoula and I just remember like texting my parents and be like, Hey, can I buy another six pack, you know, or a 10 pack of class, whatever it was, and then never say no, they always said yes. Thank you guys. I mean for real, and just circling back consistently. I actually got into teaching by accident. So that studio that I was practicing at in college, I was there, four to six nights a week, I would say like after class, so I know knew the owner pretty well. And there was an evening I was in to take a class with one of my favorite teachers, who no longer lives in Missoula, unfortunately. And Veronica was stuck up on the mat. She'd been skiing, and she couldn't get down in time. And so she called Jim the owner and was like, I'm not gonna make it. I was in class, Jen had to go pick up her kids. And she was like, Bailey, you're ready to teach? What? I'm here to take the class and she was like, you're going to teach? It's fine. It's 75 minute class, do what you can. Nobody expects anything of you, you'll be fine.

I mean, I and I couldn't tell you a single thing that I taught in that class, I just blacked out and got through it. And God loves the community I was in they clap for me when I was done, it was probably atrocious. Like I guarantee it was an I don't know how to structure a class and basically just try to teach like Veronica, she was because she was my favorite at the time. So I just tried to like channel Veronica into this class. And, and I did the best I could. And so teaching was actually a complete accident. I hadn't even It hadn't occurred to me that that was something I could do. But after that, I then pursued my first teacher training, while I was still in college, and it was one week in a month. And so I could manage my school schedule, and then go to that one weekend, a month. And it just, it just kept growing. Realistically, there was never, there was never a conscientious decision. Like I'm just going to do this until I moved to Indonesia to do another training and study because some of the best teachers in the world are there. And so that was really conscientious. I basically took a year off almost a year off of my life to go study. And it was awesome. would rock if you can blow up your life and move to a third world country, you should do it. But so it was kind of a slow, slow burn. And then to some extent, I just had a masked all these hours and then looked back, I was like, what? How did I get here? There was never there was never a decision. It just was the thing that just kept pulling me back.

 

Katie Kay 

And then you just and then you. You are the owner of a yoga studio owner and owner. How did that all begin?

 

Bailey 

So I had started my first year I was like 22, but I just ran it in the summers. It was like a summer job. It was pretty, I taught all the classes. I did calling it a business's light, you know, as an LLC, so technically, you know, paid taxes on it, but it was me, I did everything. And I thought that I wanted to go to med school PA school. So really, my background is in neuro Psych and an a&p. And so I really, I just love the human body, I think there's nothing cooler than the human body. And the idea of being a student for the rest of my life was like, oh, man, that's, I mean, to this day, it's all I want to be, it's just a special to learn all the things. And so I had, I had to go back to Missoula for a postback because your classes expire, when you're applying to med school, it is within a five year so I needed to go back and take a couple classes. So it was towards the end of that I just got an AST huge accomplishment and just been asked to come back as an a&p ta which is, you know, this a class of 200 people. And so it was, it was really exciting. And my parents have come down to visit, which they don't only do and they and I was kind of stressed because they don't they have a great marriage, but they don't really visit at the same time. Like we're gonna come run by Mizzou and grab lunch, the bad thing is happening. That's like pretty stressed, living in like a studio apartment. So I like didn't even have like a space versus sit across from each other. So I like kind of set up so we could I feel like it was in a job interview, like very unfamiliar, like, kind of, and my parents were so sweet. They were like, We're so proud of how hard you've worked and all you've accomplished and if you really think you want to go to med school or PA school, we're gonna help support you. I was like, Oh my gosh, that's, you know, that's huge. What a huge, you know, stressor. And my dad who is pretty financially conservative and careful, and all of the things was like, but we think you should have another studio. And for real this time, not a one man show like a studio or real business. And that's what we talked about earlier, somebody needed to give me permission to say like, whose kid whose parents tell their kid like don't go be a surgeon cuz I want to be an orthopedic. Don't go be a surgeon, don't go be a PA, go risk everything and start this business. And what I had because I had my dad's a big values guy like what are your values always work towards your values. As soon as incongruence your values, you're dead in the water. And he had you know, as I'm growing up in the mid 20s, he's talking a lot about what are your values, what you want to do that kind of thing. And the ones that we've landed on that were really important. I want to be a student. I don't work well for others in terms of I outwork anyone in the room but not on your schedule. Like I want to get up at five and get it done. I don't do well in an office. And with those two being kind of the goal, I need autonomy. I want to spend a lot of time outside I want life work balance, and I want to build something. I mean, that makes sense. Building a studio fits so perfectly in all those things. And I had said, You know what, but I want to learn all this stuff and blah, blah. And what do you think owning a businesses kid, you're going to constantly be learning. I mean, he nailed it. For a guy who's brilliant at business, he's never opened a business. And he, I mean, they both just had, there's so much support, and so much foresight of them saying, like, this is going to suit you pretty well. Yeah, they were right. Thanks, guys.

 

Katie Kay 

That's awesome. So awesome. And approaching it by understanding your values. And then looking at those lens, like, so smart. And we all have our own journey. And I learned that the hard way without like, understanding my values and trying different paths, and, like, took me you know, 10 plus years to figure it out. But like, for me, that was the way I had to approach it, because I had to learn in the process and let go of a lot of insecurities and learn a lot of things about myself. And, and so being at the point of looking at your values, and really understanding them, I think we're both like, now we both like have an understanding for me, like with the podcast, and I can like really direct in that way. But it's really valuable for our listeners to just, like, have that open space holding, or holding space for them to like, start to look at their own values and decide, you know, like, maybe that has an influence on their own direction, and, like giving permission to look at your values.

 

Bailey 

like, if there's one takeaway from a service, I would tell people go write down your values, take a really hard look at the things that are important to you. And then don't accept anything that does not fall in line with your values flat out, you are going to fail, whether it's personal and professional, romantic, I mean, if the value system does not line up, it's just not going to work. Because at some point, you're going to hit that grind, and you're not going to be able to move forward, I, I think the most important thing that you could do in terms of how you want to build your life is figure out your values. And I don't mean that, like, be a good person, or, you know, whatever your religion is, I don't I don't mean those values. I mean, like, I know what my values are prioritizing my friends and my family, make sure they're healthy. Building something that I'm proud of, you know, things like that, like, I know what those values are moving my body, I'm figuring those out to me, is how you become successful. Because if you're always working within the wheelhouse of your values, you're probably fine.

 

Katie Kay 

But you're such a good example like owning a yoga studio. And how old are you right now? 32? Yeah, so owning this, like amazing yoga studio, 32 years old, like already having that background and journey and going through what you've been through and your recovery. And, like, it's really, it's such a good example for all of us to look at as far as like, putting one step in front of the other, and even through our struggles and our hard times, like there's light coming out of it directing you. Yeah, and the way that you need to be directed.

 

Bailey 

I think, yeah, I think it's really important that right now, I'm really lucky, I've worked hard, I'm lucky, a lot of good things fell into place for me, but I think it's also important if like, this was not the prettiest journey, you know, like this didn't, there have been a lot of mistakes and missteps and stuff I'm not proud of, and things I'd like to change. And I hold just as much compassion ownership for the stuff that I you know, fell short on or let people down on as I do for the stuff that I'm good at. And, you know, in equal measure. And so I think that that's really important for people to think about if like, I don't you think it's pretty easy, you know, beautiful, sequential even process to get to where I am, there are a lot of missteps. And yeah, just things that I'm not super proud of. And so it's important to me have compassion for, you know, past Bailey, who made these mistakes, and then just don't make them again, you know, say you're sorry, and move on. The only apology has changed behavior, or the only acceptable apology to me is change behavior. And so, you know, if if there if you can take something from this, you know, I would I would hope that it's figure out your values and then work towards those. And the things that I am you know, less than proud of, or maybe ashamed of it was stuff that I did that didn't line up my values just flat out. And at the time, I couldn't have told you that that's what was going on. I couldn't have told you on my fucking know what I was pointing to my values. Sorry. Like, I like I don't know, they were so doing the best I could. And so, yeah, now I'm sitting kind of pretty awesome. So I mean, I'm still working through some, some things, big things. Professional Amstetten really well, but I just think that that's important because I think it's also important that people think that like they're supposed to be, you know, married with kids and how The business or have the career whatever it isn't Sophie all shiny and pretty. I'm not married, I don't have kids, I spent a lot of time building my career, and I'm really proud of it. But I think that that's important because I think some people struggle with that. I mean, I know me personally, like, I'm 32, people were looking me like, you get married, you can even do that, which is fine like that. But you always have to have that, you know, kind of that self confidence, like comfort of I'm where I'm supposed to be, and I'm good with where I am. And if that's upsetting to you, not my problem, bringing value system, it's like, Oh, my God, it just all goes back to the value system, because then that also goes to the energy. Right? If you're moving your energy toward your value system, you're gonna be fine.

 

Katie Kay 

Yeah, yeah. And oh, my gosh, and like, so glad that you're saying it's not perfect. Like, we all have these things where we want it to look a certain way. And society wants it to look a certain way, and the expectations and the judgments, and we're all trying to figure it out.

 

Bailey 

things aren't going to be perfect, and that I'm good with that. And so no annual, I think a lot of times you look at the things that you aren't necessarily achieving in and look at that in the framework of, you know, how a society looking at that, like, I've done really well professionally, but I'm not married, and I'm 32. And so, you know, how do I how do I look with that? Well, it's where we are, and every now and then that can be stressful, but for the most part, it's like, Look, I've I took the path I was supposed to take, things will fall into place when they're supposed to fall into place. But having that compassion and grace for yourself, you know, it's hard. I mean, it's hard. But surround yourself with people who are on your team, not people who say they're on your team, but when push comes to shove, they're not. If you've got people who are genuinely in your corner, it's not gonna be that hard, or it's not gonna be as hard. Because you know that the people who love you and support you, it doesn't need to look perfect to them. You can be the end of the portraiture I'm like, here to tell you be the Goblin, Let your inner goblin out and running around.

My Gremlins and my god, like all the time, stop putting them on the bench of the other team. Like put them on your bench sit right the fuck next to them. We talk about that and their real time I like do my Gremlins on my bench right now. Like just because to me, like this stuff's hard. Like, I need to lighten it up by saying dumb crap, like my grandma, like I really do. Or saying things like, Hey, I'm in a dark place right now. I like it. That's what I say I'm in the dark place. And then you just let it to me that takes the top off of the pressure. Like, I'm in a dark place. Let me be in the dark place. You don't need to fix it aren't you get in here with me, but just be but it's I mean, finding that compassion for yourself is just so hard. But the most worthwhile thing you're gonna do. I one of my favorite quotes, I talk a lot about grace or some I'm not religious at all, but talk about grace a lot. Because to me, there's like this beauty in it. There's kind of this ease with the grace. And this woman her really like she's a therapist, and she's asked, she's like a mad lady like mad woman. Um, but she talks a lot about, you know, when I'm trying to find grace for myself, I sit down and I breathe. And by accident, sometimes I just wind up in my body. And I have grace for what I find in my body and, man. Right. Yeah. I mean, it's just so good. Because you do. We overcomplicate it so much with like, Hey, I'm having a tough time. So I'm just gonna sit for two minutes. I'm gonna close my eyes, I'm gonna breathe, I'm gonna let stuff pop up. But it almost every time I sit down, let myself breathe. I find myself in my body. And then all of a sudden, everything else just a tiny bit easier. But it be you have to create that, that grace for yourself. I don't have to be perfect right now. I don't need to get these 45 things that are done on my to do list before I take care of myself for time, that self care. Just give yourself a little bit of space. be easier on yourself. Oh my god. We're so I mean, we're the we're horrible to ourselves. What is that? Like to hold ourselves? Yeah, it's so hard.

 

Katie Kay 

Yeah, it's so easy to be so hard on ourselves, and critical. And it's like we're living sometimes we're living in our own space and, and it's just like, the thoughts and the judgments and body is such an easy target for us to just continually be ashamed of and chuckle with

 

Bailey 

it breaks my heart. Also, your vessel does so many cool things for you, even if you like, I don't know, you don't like how your arms look or your stomach looks a little softer than you'd like or your thighs are a little bit like what are your two things like whatever the thing is that you are not kind to yourself about how much cool shit has your body done for you without asking anything in return to me just think about that you you know, my legs have gotten me up mountains. That's pretty rad. But it's hard to simplify it to that level. We the running joke, I know I've had hands on so you can tell my ears pick out prefer and which you know is like easy to read.

but you know even that, what am I worried about? You know, like what This hopefully looks the least interesting thing about me. So who cares? My ears poke out pretty far. Everyone around me thinks it's cute. I think it's horrifying. But yeah, just having that kind. It's the love to me. Your body's the lowest hanging fruit. And so it's the thing we pick out the most. Why? How do we how do we soften that conversation? Talk to your body like you would your best friend, talk to yourself like you would your best friend, you would never look at your best friend who's struggling who's like put on your big girl panties. Buck up and get it done. You would hold her until she was done crying and you tell her that she is extraordinary new love her and she deserves everything in the world. Isn't that hard to turn that around on you?

 

Katie Kay 

I love that baby. Yeah, no, I think it's hard. But it's not at the same time. Like you're saying, like my legs, I carried me up this mountain. And it's always having the access to choose a new thought. And I'm not trying to simplify the struggle, because I've been there. And it is in our own power to have the ability to choose your own reality. And so once you can grasp on to that fully and understand, like, my thoughts, I can separate from them. And I can also choose a whole new thought in that moment. And the moment is all that matters. Like all this present moment is all that matters for you. Yeah, today, I feel like my tummies like a little pudgy. And I feel like a little tired from traveling. And there's a lot of different things that could be like, critical of and have focused on the the nice thing. And I also love how you You pointed this out, like saying thank you to the struggle and say, and like same thing with thoughts like I can give that thought of forgiveness and be like, Oh, Katie, like, okay, like, I see that, that thank you for showing me. And now I'm going to choose to look at something that is working or look at like gratitude, or bring in some different kind of energy, that will shift you and that like in the two degrees that you need to go that's going to travel so much wider and farther than you think totally.

 

Bailey 

And I like the use of it, it's two degrees. This is not a 20 degree situation like, this is a millimeters not feet situation. But those millimeters are going to give you that space to then be a little bit kinder, because it's a practice. I mean, there's lots of times you'll wake up and be like, you know, whatever it is. And then you can take that moment of pause. If you're talking about like, well, we didn't get much sleep last night. So we want to be a little nicer to ourselves today. Instead of viewing towards the grumpies. The Grom the goblins, the goblins.

 

Katie Kay 

oh my gosh, Bailey, you're such a ray of light. Thank you for being here. Bailey Contract below.

 

MAIN-POINTS & TAKEAWAYS

That was so fun. And did I tell you she had just amazing Spitfire energy. It's contagious, for sure. It's just so fun. It's so fun to interview and hear about passions and just all the all the things that make us feel good in our bodies and how it's so individual so interesting that when I interview people, we all have different perspectives on the same topic. So if it's meditation, we all look at it a little bit differently and figuring out the way that you can look at it that feels authentic to you and allows you to include it in your life if you want to, or not having that empowered choice when it comes to your own body and wellness. It's just kind of opening up the door to look at all of these new tools, new practices, and then you always hear me say this, but take what resonates and leave the rest. Just take one or two things, and if it feels good, then allow them to come into your life. If it doesn't feel good, then it's not worth your time and energy. So throw it in the trash, because you get to decide what you want to take on. And you get to decide what your own energy is. And I hope that you choose an energy that feels good and authentic to you. And I'm glad that Bailey really opened up about her own practices and therapy and the ways that she took care of herself. And even looking at wellness at setting boundaries and taking care of her energy. That was a really beautiful way to look at wellness in a new light. So there's so many takeaways, and I have a list of a sheet just scribbled with a ton of points. But I'll just pick a few of the main points, I felt like it will be good to reflect back on and I will leave you with that today. So let's dive in. Number one, Bailey talked about how she really prioritized her time with her body, and her mind and her own wellness, and really making it a priority in time and in energy. And allowing that to be a practice of self care. And talking a little bit about how we can carry a stigma of it being selfish or self centered to really prioritize your own needs. But just like Bailey said, she can spend hours just needing to take care of her own body because of whatever it is right if you don't even have to have a reason but for Bailey, taking care of her back her spine, making sure that she used movement and all of her other practices to take care of herself. And that was really important for her. And so here's a quote that she said about that, that I thought was a great takeaway. Quote, “to me, the body, this is the only vessel I get. So prioritizing my relationship with my body with movement with my own wellness, how could that not be a priority” , and it's just as simple as that we don't need to apologize, we don't have to explain. If you need a certain amount of time and energy to take care of yourself. I agree, I think it's very important to prioritize that. And we all have different time limits. We all have different practices, and finding what works for you. And I'm a little bit more mindful person just in general, it takes me a little bit longer just to work through thoughts work through ideas. Meditation, sometimes it takes me longer just to get into that state into that vibration that I want to carry into my day. And allowing myself to have that space has been a game changer. For me. It's not about having somebody else judge you for what you feel like you need in your own body in your own soul in your own mind. And Bailey and I talked a lot about other people having us to give us permission. And that just, it just is a human. It's just human nature, because we care so much about what other people think we want to belong, we want to feel loved. We want to feel that connection. And we think in the eyes of other people, we will receive that. But that's really coming from within that's coming in from yourself and understanding and acknowledging that you don't need permission to take care of yourself in whatever way that looks like for you. And I know the realities of life can make that difficult. We have responsibilities, other people are relying on us. And we can live in this bubble of expectations, responsibilities, judgment, feeling, lack of energy, feeling lack of time. And I just want you to know, that's just a projection of the ego of our little self of our experience here on this world. And the more that we can see that clearly, and let go of some of that resistance that we're holding on to the more that we can open up that space, the time letting go of the things that are not serving us. And the way to do that, from what I know is the practices of self care of looking within and transforming from that place. And so it's like even More if you're feeling in that place of lack of time of feeling the overwhelm of responsibilities, I would invite you even more to find the ways that you can connect more with yourself. And the biggest thing for me is sitting on my mat. And whether I'm just sitting there and breathing, or going through a guided meditation, that's been the most powerful thing for me just to be in a place of quiet, and allows me to separate from that resistance allows me to separate from that ego self, and connect to my higher self. And the more and more that I make time for that, the more and more my life and space opened up into that expansiveness. So feeling less of I need to do this, this should happen, I don't have time, this is ridiculous. All of those negative feelings and thoughts, they actually weren't part of me, it was just a projection of what I thought I needed to live my life as. And I realize I'm going off a total tangent, so I'll just leave it right there. But prioritizing yourself care is just it's so valuable. If you feel any kind of resistance, if you're upset, right now, message me on Instagram, and we can just talk through it and work through some of that, some of that resistance that might be showing up but it should feel good. It'll it'll feel good to let some of that, that selfishness let it some of that feeling like you're self centered, let that go. Because it's really not coming in from that place of vanity, it's coming from a place of energy, love, compassion for yourself. Who, okay, point one was a little bit longer.

Number two, when Bailey talked about meditation, and what it looked like for her, she talked about just being able to sit for a few seconds and focus on her breath and feel the sensations in her body, without any attachment of what's going on around her. Just she said, just giving herself that blank state to just focus on her breath. And she said, six minutes, felt good for her. And it just allowed her to have that time to shift her energy, and look within and have that pause. So that was a great example. I felt like when she went into that, so I wanted that. That to be one of our main points is meditation doesn't have to look a certain way. You can be laying in bed, you can, you know, be doing something active, you can be running mountain biking, just giving yourself that time to feel in that state of connecting to that place within yourself that is not attached to the outside world. And it starts to open up and create this expansiveness of your authenticity and who you really are and connecting to that higher self.

Number three, Bailey talked about managing her time with her phone. And I'm glad that was brought up because technology is just a part of our lives now. And we will have our phone in our back pocket always. And it's having that access to that place can be an external distraction. And Bailey talked about realizing that she needed to have that time where people weren't able to access her and she just needed to get away take care of herself, her lifestyle. So our wellness is also a part of our attention and awareness. And just making us all aware that we do have the ability to balance out our time with our technology and space.

Number four, Bailey talked about making her boundaries a priority in her wellness, and even said it was one of her wellness tools. And I thought that was really interesting and awesome that she brought that up because boundaries and creating space for yourself and your emotions. This can be part of your wellness and it doesn't have to look like a daily practice. It can just be standing up for yourself and standing up for your own space. For me, that was really hard because I felt like if I was asking people I love to have my own space or no I don't want you to touch me right now that doesn't feel good or you know, I need some time to go downstairs and just be alone, asking for that I felt bad because I didn't want the people, my friends, my loved ones. Family, I didn't want them to think that I didn't love them. And I just think in general, especially if you're a people pleaser, like I am, it's we forget about boundaries, we just kind of put them aside because we don't think maybe they're that important. And even if they are important, we certainly don't want to upset anyone or make anybody uncomfortable. But at some point, you do need to understand your own needs and show up for yourself in that way. Because if you're showing up for yourself in the best way possible, then you're going to share that energy to all the people in your life and into your community out into the world, and everybody's gonna be better off. And I just, I learned that multiple times the hard way. And, yeah, I wish I would have stood up for myself a little bit more and, and stood up for the space that I need, just like Bailey said that she's, you know, she's not apologetic about it. And really, it just tells people straight up, like, this is this space I need. And so I just, I looked up to her for that.

Number five, I loved when Bailey was talking about her energy going into a classroom, and she said, quote, with teaching, there are times I walk in, and I'm like, I am here we are here, I close the door, and the music turns on. And there's literally nothing else happening for me at all. That's when I my absolute best. And quote, and I love this just being a yoga instructor. And I can relate to that flow state and being in the service of others. And it just is this incredible energy, I want to also look at it from a viewpoint of not necessarily being a yoga instructor, because we all want that energy, that energy of feeling connected with everybody else. And I just talked a little bit about the ego and our perceptions and illusions of the world around us that creates that negativity, lack judgments, and the yoga tradition talks about it is a process of breaking down a little self, so that we can come back to our true essence. And knowing that we're all connected, that we're all one. And when you break down all of those illusions, all of those that are making us feel separated from one another, then you realize there's this beautiful connection. I was listening to Gabi Bernstein's book, I think it was spirit junkie, but don't quote me on that. But she talked about 911. And experiencing that was horrible and tragic. But she also saw so much love come out of it. And it didn't matter what your job was, it didn't matter what clothes you're wearing, it didn't matter your gender, or the color of your skin. On that day, everybody felt connected, everybody was serving everyone else. And hugging and that compassion and an open heart. And I just love that visual because that is possible. And it's also possible, just within our own authentic selves to reach that place. And I think for me and my wellness, and I think for many of us, it all kind of comes down to wanting to reconnect to that energy within. And so finding what are the tools that can reconnect me to that energy and make me feel good, and that's what makes the discomfort come out of our body. That's what makes us release that feeling of uncomfortableness of pain in our body of feeling stuck of not feeling good in our own skin. And the more that we can release from those judgments, the separation the feeling of lack and negativity, the more will reach that place of energy. That is amazing because it is who you are. It is the expansiveness of you. And it just made me think about that when Bailey was sharing in her teaching yoga. And she also went into energy as a part of wellness, and taking care of your own energy, understanding your own authentic energy, managing your own energy. So it's good to have that reflection on what it is that we want to feel, and what it is that we can take care of ourselves and our own energy, and also what practices we can do to connect to that place within, I know, for me, thinking of my wellness in that way, really shifted my mindset around it, instead of the have to do this exercise and eat the right foods and do all these other things. I mean, obviously, it's just a process, and you're exactly where you need to be. And it's just a process of uplifting. I guess I should say, removing breaking free of what's not serving you so that you can open up to what really will serve you in the best way. And your energy should be the North compass of every of every decision that you make to an energy that feels good to you. And prioritizing your own needs. prioritizing what feels good. And I know for me having that as my North Star. Does this feel good? Does this not feel good? Sometimes I didn't know. And that was just the disconnection that I just you know, you'd sometimes you just don't know, you don't know what's gonna feel good. And that's why listening to new perspectives and trying out tools that yeah, that that could resonate, that could sound good and trying it out. And maybe it does, maybe it doesn't, but as long as you're following that energy of what feels good for you, and being able to separate from the judgments, thinking about what other people are thinking of your decisions, if you can separate yourself from the lack mentality of I don't have enough time, I don't have enough money, I don't have enough energy. All of those things like thinking about the space that you can open up for yourself is if you could just remove them, not forever, but just being able to be that observer, and see them for what they are, and then make a place from that point that feels authentic to you. Okay, that's how you guys, thank you. The main points, I rambled a little bit, but Bailey got it out of me, she just dug in deep. And we went a little bit deeper today. And I just thank her for that, because that is a special gift. The truth is a gift. And she certainly, certainly delivered today for our episode. So thank you, Bailey. Thank you all the listeners, if you thought that this episode might resonate with a friend or family member, some stranger, just um, share the love share the podcast, because I feel like this has really expansive potential and can really help all of us support our own wellness support our own authentic needs, in a way where we're not just telling you no, do this do that. You want this, you don't want this. It's not about that, right? It's not about telling you what to do the right the wrong, it's about uplifting, who you are understanding more of who you are. And that's the connection to wellness that we really want to be a part of, because you're pretty badass, you're pretty important. And you're you feel that you feel that you are meant for more. And I don't want you to feel stuck from a place in your body or stuck with food or your approach to wellness. And so let's it's just, it's up, lift that and expand all of your potential and capabilities because I know it's limitless. So thank you for being here. My name is Katie Kay, I'm sending so much love to you and your body. I'll see you all next week.

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