40. Try This Instead: Process of Within
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If you are feeling heaviness, pain, or discomfort in your body - what kind of process is going to help release this weight? How are you going to take action to feel uplifted in your body? The struggles that we have with our body, in our external life, it doesn't help to add more pressure by "doing more" (exercise, diet, motivation, ect). That isn't love. That is more pressure. And it will only exacerbate the fears & pain already within you. So let's find a better process. And that's what today's episode is all about - committing to the power of the process of within. What is going on in your external life that is creating stress, discomfort, helplessness, not good enough, etc? Crazy busy schedule? Having to control everything? Can't lose weight? Fear around food? FIRST, being able to see it = is a huge gift. SECOND, the next step is digging into those fears. Being able to listen to them, talk to them, be there for them. There is a deep truth behind this process of within - it is profound in the support, guidance and love you will see reflected back into your body & external world. When you lift the weight that is within, that is when you start to feel the weight lift off your shoulders, and then weight in your body & life is lifted. Live in your clarity, truth and purpose within = so that you can radiate clarity, truth and purpose in your external life.
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Hey guys, and welcome back to another episode of body breaking free podcast. I am your host, Katie Kay. And today we have a little discussion about our internal awareness and how this is reflected back into our body and into our life really into our external world. I think this is one of the most profound subjects, and such a kind of a big area of topic that we can really explore and dive in deeper. And my approach for today's episode is to share some of some of the fears and pain and heaviness that I carry around in my own body. And maybe that you can relate to some of these. And just like I talked about in our last solo show is that awareness of the darker places, once we can shine a light on to these, these places that are a little bit more uncomfortable, or more unknown to us, our daily life, maybe even shoved down a lot deeper than we realize, the more that we can shine a light on them. And we really take their power away, and they become a lot less scary. And the discomfort we can notice is just a sensation, just another sensation that exists in the body and our emotions, and not to shy away from the fact that this work is work. And it's not just for a bunch of chumps. We really do. When we look at some of these darker places, it isn't easy. And we really do need to kind of show up for ourselves and understand that we are putting in the deeper work. And at the same time, it pays off tenfold in a way that we can release some of the burdens and some of the limits. And in that way, it really is simple and quite clear. And we have a path, we have a direction that can guide us in a way that we know, if we take care of our internal condition. And we welcome all parts of ourself, and we're able to see them with compassion, with curiosity, with non judgement, then we are able to lift some of those internal limits and barriers that reflect perfectly into our external life into our external world. And it's really not complicated in that way. The hard part is, it's not easy to look at some of those deeper fears and pains.
And the ego I talked about a few episodes ago, likes to or maybe rather loves to involve itself with stories and and really kind of keep you in the comfortable keep you away from looking at some of those darker places, or just even like trying to change or create change in your life in general. Because the ego loves to stay in the comfortable. That's where it's most efficient, and loves to be and you're used to existing in this place. So you know, it's familiar. But if we're asking for something better if we want to feel better in our bodies. If we want to have more clarity and purpose in our life, then this requires change and it requires getting uncomfortable. It requires us to say goodbye to the ego and its stories and the complexity that it loves to bring into our lives and make it really simple. We can make it really simple. The hard part is that we just need to remind ourselves over and over and over again. Why we're showing up in this way. And that's the hard part. And I love to say spirituality is my fault. Prime job, because it is, it's constantly on my mind, I constantly have to see my old mindset and choose again, I have to see my old habits and patterns, and choose again.
And over and over again throughout the day, I continue to choose love over fear, because I just, I'm not willing to let fear run the show anymore. So it kind of leads me back into when we shine a light on the fear on the pain on some of these darker parts and ourself, and we're able to take the power away from them, then we have are kind of in this space now have the ability of choice. And this is that kind of empowered place of higher self, or you can call it resource self. I like the word resource self, because it's kind of like, Oh, I'm tapping into that place within me that isn't controlled by all the different things, of all the different stories of the ego, it's, it's almost like somebody's looking over on top of all the little parts within you and saying like, Okay, guys, let's get together here. Let's huddle up, I'm gonna, you know, I'm gonna let you guys chill in the backseat. And I'm going to take a hold of the steering wheel, and I got your back like, no big deal, we've got this, like, I'm here, I'm taking charge. And then that way, it's like, okay, now I'm in my resource self. Now I'm in my higher self, and I can make choices from an empowered place. And that ability is only achieved when we are willing to see what are all these little parts in us, and what is their role, and why are they trying to protect us? And what maybe even where does some of this fear and pain reside? Like, sometimes we're curious, what why do I feel that way? Why do I feel unsupported. And it's probably just kind of the environment that you grew up in, or, I mean, our society is just built in a way that it does provide us in an unsupported atmosphere, we are told to do things right or wrong, it's pretty black and white. And so the standards of society, or that cultural matrix, has run the show. And sometimes that doesn't align with what our higher self really needs, and what our authenticity and how we can show up in purpose and clarity and move forward in the direction that we want. Sometimes that doesn't align with the standards of society.
So asking that your, you know, your questions of why and getting some clarity, that might be supportive. But now I'm kind of getting off on a tangent. But let's come back to kind of that simplicity of, okay, let's look at our fears, you might want to dive in a little bit deeper journal on it as some of those deeper questions of why getting some of that knowledge. But the first step is bringing in that awareness. So for me, and I just share my own story so that maybe it might bring some clarity into yours as well. So for me, I've done a lot of work to try and understand what are some of those areas? Maybe what are those some of those parts within me that are hurt or wounded. And I think if I heard myself talk about this five, maybe 10 years ago, I might have thought that was kind of silly that I even had some wounded parts. Because I've lived a pretty amazing life. And I've been really privileged in the way that where I grew up, and what I had access to, and how I've been supported in my life, through education and money and the color of my skin. And I send so much gratitude to all of that. Because I know that that has uplifted me in so many ways. I also believe I've that doesn't have a direct reflection into my internal state. And I think a lot of us that word privilege sometimes acts almost as a smokescreen to maybe almost denial or I like the word denial, yeah, a denial to what's really going on internal.
And saying, Well, I had a really good, and I'm really privileged. And so I have nothing to complain about. And I can't complain about it. And I shouldn't complain about it. I heard somebody once say that they live their life that way that when they were really unhappy, or they turned toward some of those deeper pains within, and they said, I just, I couldn't allow myself to be unhappy because I knew how good I had it. But how is that helping anybody else, they said, it wasn't my person living in a false perception of their life, of their connection to their truth of their body, that wasn't helping anybody else in the world. And those people that oversees that might not have access to clean water, they might not have access to food every day. The only way that she could show up for them was to live in her truth was to find happiness within herself, was to show up in the best way that she could. Because if she didn't, I wasn't serving her, or those people. And maybe if she could align with what was best for her, she could radiate a positive energy and put forth effort and purpose into serving other people. And I just think there's so much power in that and how she described that. And so I don't want the word privilege to act as a smokescreen, or really have anything to do with your internal condition. And really, actually doesn't have anything to do with defining how much pain that you carry. And some of those deeper wounds, and trauma. I've learned the word trauma holds a lot of weight. That is also doesn't need to hold a lot of weight, we all can carry trauma, by stubbing your toe, that is trauma. And so our reflection of the word trauma also needs to change. Because the minute that we all decided that we were separated from love, and we are separated from each other, that is a moment of trauma, and we all carry that burden. And so I don't, I guess when I say I, five years ago, 10 years ago would reflect on to my life, I would say oh my gosh, like you have nothing to complain about. But now I'm showing up in my truth. And now I'm willing to look at those deeper fears that actually led my life into a direction that was not serving me. And now I'm willing to be in my full self, and purpose. And I'm aligning every day more clarity into how I want to show up, and what way am I showing up? And I think everybody should be asking those questions. Because if each one of us is showing up with clarity and truth and purpose, and we're empowered, and we're aligning with the things that make us feel really good, rather than maybe what society is telling us to align with, if we're showing up in such a positive vibration, and radiating out that energy, the world overall our conscious collective would be uplifted. And that's so powerful. You can see all of that. And so we all carry some deeper fears and wounds and even trauma and the more that we're willing to kind of drop shoulders down and release some of the control and look at some of those. That takes a lot of courage. The courage shows up when you're willing to look at those parts, the Courage isn't showing up if you're putting up a smoke screen, or you're trying to deny them, or you're just not willing to put in the work. Because if you're willing to put in the work, you're showing up for yourself, and that takes a lot of courage.
So some of these deeper wounds that I've carried. So I've carried some burdens of just not feeling feeling good enough, and the actions I'm taking, and especially in not doing enough, for so long, I've equated my self worth and how hard I'm working, and what I am doing, and making sure I exercise every day, and making sure every single meal I ate was perfect. And it it overlapped in the things that I did that really did make me feel good, like exercising. But the fear of I'm not doing enough, was running the show. And I wasn't able to see it, and I didn't understand it. But it was telling me I needed to exercise every day. And if I didn't, then I wasn't good. I was gonna have a bad day, I wasn't gonna feel good. And exercise for me is such a form of self care. And taking care of myself in a way I know that it feels really good in my body. And it releases stuck energy I hold, it allows for space for me to release, release thoughts release emotions. And obviously, it just feels really good. I mean, scientifically we have, we obviously know, it's good for our brain, it's good for our body, it's good to sweat. And you can see how my internal fear of not being good enough, was taking that over and pushing me to perform. And it created a lot of ups and downs. Because when I didn't perform, then I fell down. And I wasn't good enough in my self worth worth. And everything I was an am was tied into whether I exercise or didn't exercise that day.
And so you can see in that example of how my internal condition that fear was running the show. And once I could shine a light on it and really understand it, I was able to look at it and then choose a different path. And really choose a path of how can I take care of myself today? And what would feel really good. And maybe it was exercise. And when I did that exercise, then I was coming from a place of that self care energy that taking care of myself, like what do I need, and the gratitude that comes along with it. And that's just so much more empowering. And I put me in that place of choice. And so I'm able to see, and it is a process every day, and some days I see a pop up and I go to the gym because the fear is running the show. But the moment I'm able to bring that awareness and and catch it, then I'm puts me back into that place of alignment. And I'm able to forgive myself and move on. So that's a really good example in the way that that fear really, and continues to show up in my life. And the more and more I'm able to catch it, the easier and easier it is for me to get into a place of alignment. And then in that last episode, I know you guys heard me talk about feeling really unsupported. And that was kind of a new one for me in therapy and I had never really thought I felt unsupported. But I do realize now that I put a lot of pressure on myself and why do I put a lot of pressure on myself. And it's coming from that place. It's looking at those deeper fears shouldn't be in like, oh, it's because I feel really unsupported in my external life. And it's showing up in my internal dilemma. And it makes sense now that I have a lot of pressure on my shoulders. And if I'm the one that's always having to carry the weight, and I'm the one that's always needing to show up, and nobody else can help me, and, you know, I have to be my own cheerleader all the time. That's a lot of pressure. And some of these kind of inner weave together, like my back pain, like I feel like I'm never doing enough, I feel like when the pain shows up, it's my fault. I put a lot of blame and judgment on myself. And then at the same time, I feel really unsupported. I feel like oh, my gosh, I've been doing everything, I'm the one that needs to put in the work, I haven't been doing enough. And now I feel really unsupported in myself, and it's kind of just this spiral, and I get really defeated in that place. And, and when I'm in that place of being defeated, that's not the time to put in the work to really look at some of those, those places, it's when I'm lifted out of those really dark days, it's actually such a gift for me to go into those dark moments, because I'm able to step out of it, you know, few days later, or whenever, whenever it shows up. And I'm able to really see very clearly some of those deeper wounds and fears. And that's a really big gift. Because if I'm willing to bring awareness into why I felt that way, and what was really going on, then I'm able to come back into that empowered place, and really understand all of my parts and what they're going through and how I can show up for them. And sometimes it's just listening and just being like, Hey, I'm here, I'm listening. And I know that sounds silly talking to yourself and be like, Hey, what's going on, you know, I know there's something weird going on, I feel tightness in my chest. But I know that you're holding on to some sort of fear. I know this is coming from a place of fear. And I'm just here to listen, just here to listen, I'm here to be here for you, I've got your back if you need me.
And most of the time, in my experience, that is going to be a great opportunity. And if you show up in that way, I've always had my parts talk to me and show up in a place of compassion and be like, Oh, I feel that anxiety, okay, I know what that's coming from. It's because I don't feel good enough right now. So when I go into this podcast, interview, and I don't feel good enough, I don't really want to hold on to that. So I'm going to talk to this part, I'm going to tell it, I got its back, and it can chill in the back seat. And like we got this, like we're good, like, this is awesome, this is gonna be really fun and exciting. And then I can move into that place and into that interview in that higher self. And in that like positive energy that I want to bring into the interview. And so I've just like talking about kind of this back and forth dialogue. And, and I just say that to show you how the internal world is a reflection to the external world. And the more and more that you take care of your internal fears, your internal wounds, those parts that seem really scary and dark. But when you shine a light on it, you know, they're not so scary and dark anymore, you have the power now you took the power away from them. And now you are in choice. The more that you do that, the more that you're going to see the weight lifted in your external life. And even in your body. So your physical body, you're gonna start to feel that pain, relax, your neck, start to feel the weight lifted off your shoulders. And like my back pain, I've really committed to letting go of some of the doing and trying to fixing and the control and sit in meditation and committing to that internal dialogue and committing to Okay, some of this pain. I know I'm holding on to because of an internal reflection. And the only reason I can commit interest to that is because I've done this so many times within me that I can really show up for myself and be like, I know that sounds a little crazy. And it's gonna be okay. Because at least I'm showing up for my own self and my truth. And being a little crazy and weird. Sometimes, it's not the worst thing, because not the worst thing you can be empowered in that place. And that's awesome. I hope that you get more weird and crazy, because it's really like, I feel like the more that we stray from the standard, the more that we can really realize that we're trusting in our intuition. And it's really guiding us in a direction that is authentic to, to us to who you are. And that's what's most important. So if you're feeling the heaviness or pain or discomfort in your external life, if you're feeling like you've got a crazy busy schedule, if you feel like you have to control everything, if you feel just like these fears, kind of running the show with your body exercise, with your diet, with what you're eating. That's really amazing that you're able to see it. And then the next step is looking within, and showing up for those parts that in whatever way feels best for you. And that's when you start to see the real transformation. I'm so excited for you. This is like such a profound topic, and I can't wait to hear what you guys have found what happened like, are you getting a little crazy? Are you talking to your parts? Did you see some fears come up? What were those fears? What is some of that pain that you're holding on to emotional or physical? Any kind of awareness is going to lead you that one next step. And then that next step, and then the next step. So it's not complicated, right? The simplicity of it is profound. And so just knowing keep reminding yourself, you're on the right path, and you're learning and you're being curious and you're bringing in that awareness. And that is where real, lasting change happens. No, no, I love you all. Sending so much love to you and your body. I will see you all next week.
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The Body Keeps the Score, Bessel Van Der Kolk, M.D.
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